Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The One about the Grumpy Shoppers.

It all started with a list...

I know, we should all expect it. There always have been and always will be grumpy shoppers. They just seem magnified at Christmas time, but what can you do? Shouting, "Hey sourpuss! Wipe that nasty look off your face and get happy about the birth of Jesus!" It just won't do, however much you want to say that. Ok, however much I want to say that.

Then today, the sourpuss was me. I had to catch myself twice. Well, Alden caught me the first time. Some nutball old lady, I mean, some aged member of our community, decided to pull out of her neighborhood and then drive approximately 24 MPH down the road. We were barreling down the road and I saw her and thought, no way will she pull out, until... she did. I responded with a few choice words about her driving ability and then remembered my little rear seat passenger/sponge, who piped up with, "Yeah, you is a stupid lady!" OUCH. Oh no, come back words. So I got myself back in order and on we went with our list of 122 errands and/or stops.

I did well. The inner sourpuss stayed inside. Until... we entered the belly of the beast... Kohl's Department Store. Kohl's has three kinds of carts. One with just a basket, one with a basket and child seat, and one with a basket and two child seats. If you are shopping with your children you will never be able to actually get a cart with a seat for your child. It is Rule #92b of shopping at Kohl's. I knew this would be a sticky area for me, since on any normal day, it irks me when every 50 something woman, feels she needs a cart with a seat so her purse can have its own chair. Today though, today it was errand #4233 of the day, and I wanted nothing more than to sit Alden in a little cart with a seat so the poor kid could eat his snack. Did that happen? No. We had to hunt through the store to even get a cart, and of course, it had no seat. My little stinker was a real trooper, and either walked or held on and rode like a perfectly behaved child. I think this was a result of Micah's prayer as I had texted him before I entered the store asking for divine guidance. Plus, I wanted him to know why he may need to be picking me up for throwing shirts at someone and starting a mom riot.

You should know, I was very well behaved. When some stinkpot lady watched me and Alden maneuver an aisle, and I had to make sure he held my hand whilst steering the cart, I know she knew. She looked at her purse, in its own little seat, and she knew what a Grinch she was being. Did she offer a cart switch? Nope. I think she should get coal in her stocking for sure. I saw other moms, struggling with kiddos. We exchanged those knowing glances that said, "I am a hair's breath away from assault too. Hang in there."

Like I said, Alden was angelic, and I even rewarded him with a talking Dora toy. I made the fatal talking toy error and forgot to check for the off switch. There isn't one. It was ok, as he hit the play button over and over and over again while he sat patiently on the floor at the checkout... driving all the cart hogs crazy. Ahhh... sweet toy revenge.

Hey, I said I behaved, I didn't say I was perfect.


  1. This was hilarious!! Good boy Alden!!

  2. Good for you. And Alden. I've been to Toys R Us twice this week. It made me homicidal both times. I just finished mouse shopping. God bless the women who went before us with no internet options.

    I was SO willing to pay the extra $10 to have it sent to my house vs. store pickup. Walmart on 12/23...NO THANK YOU!


    p.s. one stick of butter+1tsp of vanilla{eye-balled. It could be 1/2 cup for all I dump in}+a dash of milk+a box of powdered sugar{again, I eyeball it}=yummy, sticky icing. If it's not stiff enough, I add a dab of crisco.

  3. I was going to write about this on my blog and forgot..I actually haven't seen any grinches yet this year. I went out last friday and everyone was smiling and happy and patiently waiting and holding doors and AND saying MERRY CHRISTMAS. It was like I was in the twilight zone or something. The Lord truly blessed me that day ;-)