Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Hello, meet Hadji...

Here is my kid.
His new name is Hadji.
How did we arrive at this new name of HIS choosing...

Well, the almighty box of satan, aka the TV was involved, of course. I have never hated and yet loved something so much at that same time. (the Tv, not Hadji.)
We have been watching Johnny Quest... a most politically incorrect cartoon from, I am guessing the late 60s?? Don't know, not gonna google it.

Emerson loves it... alot.
I mean in a - would rather get a spanking than miss Johnny Quest as a punishment-kind of way. And yes, I am exploiting that to its fullest. I am a good mom like that.

Well, on the show there is a little boy from India named Hadji. I am guessing India because of his accent and the turban with a ruby that Hadji sports. The ruby was actually used to flag down a rescue plane in a recent episode. I wonder if my "quest" for that new wedding ring would come to fruition if I could prove its worth in plane flagging down and such.
I can hear it now...
Hadji: Please mom, I need that ruby.
Mom: No Hadji.
Hadji: But mom, all the kids have jewels in their turbans!
Mom: So if all the kids tie-dyed their turbans would you? (side note:I would. I ♥ tie dye.)
Hadji: But mom, think of all the useful things I could do with that ruby, like flaggin down a plane!"
Mom: Hmmm... I had not thought of that... OK, if it is going to be that useful, go get one.

So, Hadji, his ruby clad turban, and his dog Bandit are a fave of Emerson. So much so, that a few weeks ago, he informed me that from here on out, he wished to be called Hadji.
But he is serious.
One morning I asked him "Emerson, what would you like for breakfast?"
"Moooooommmmmyyyyyy... call me Hadji! And you know Hadji likes turkey sandwiches everyday for breakfast!" The sheer look of exasperation saved him from rebuke for his demanding ways.

Onto example #2 of yes, he is that serious...
We pick Lincoln up from school and he keeps trying to tell Emerson something... Em is looking out the window, ignoring Lincoln completely.
"Emerson, listen to me! Emerson? Emerson?" Finally it dawns on me... "Um, Lincoln, I think he wants you to call him Hadji" Lincoln looks at me, and begrudgingly says. "Ok... Hadji?

"Yes Lincoln" came the smirking little Hadji's reply.

So, we now call him Hadji a good bit. Even the checkout lady and bagboy at the grocery store got into it. When the bagger called him and said, "Come on Hadji, your mom is ready" Eme- I mean, Hadji, got the biggest grin.

The boy has even asked to change his name "for real".
And he means "For real mom, I want my real, real name to be Hadji."
His stuffed dog has also been renamed "Bandit".

Stay tuned for more adventures of Hadji... upcoming episodes include:
Hadji and the Blue Eyebrows
Hadji's Disappearing Act
Hadji and the swollen eyes
Hadji and the Turkey Sandwich
So, please, welcome Hadji with open arms... oh, and if anyone has a spare turban and ruby, that would be great.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Chicken Cramps...

OK, I am not trying to be whiny... who am I kidding, I am. BUT... I would like you to know, I endure alot, and I do mean alot of, how shall I put this delicately... unfeminine behavior at my abode. I know as a mother of three boys, I should just suck it up and get used to it, but really, how many burps can one hear in a day and not get a little jaded? And isn't BLOG an acronym for brooding, loud, obnoxious, griping? Oh, it isn't? Well, than why do I have one anyway???

I digress... In the home, I hear every body function these male species produce. And if I don't hear it, sadly, I smell it. I think it is wrong that even Alden, my sweet little baby, has crossed over to the dark side. The other day, he toddled over, grabbed a book off the shelf, and brought it to me. He thrust it into my hand, babbled something I can only assume meant, "Gee mom, I am not in the mood for the heaviness of War and Peace today, let's just go with the Chubby Engine, OK?" So, after I take the book, he turns and backs up into me, to sit on my lap. Yes, he backs up, as if he is a car and there should be little beeps impending his arrival. So, we delve into the world of the Chubby Engine, and all his work on the Chubby Freight Line. As we are getting to a really key point in the story, Alden makes the crossover... he toots, loudly, right on my lap. Then, he smiled up at me and started to giggle... that little chubby cheeked, dimpled, hair in the eyes grin was trying to hide his traitor ways! I threw him off, disgusted. JUST KIDDING! Who would do that? I just looked at him and he tapped the book, as if to say, "Back to business woman." Yes, calling me "woman" will be his next step into the pit of testosterone. So excited...

The Emerson Files Case #4259c
One hoe
+one window
= broken glass and mad mommy.

Yeah, for real, he used a HOE to knock out the windows on the playhouse. He had no answer for why, but knew he was in big trouble when he heard the growl coming from deep within me...
Fast forward to 20 minutes later...
One hose
= one miniature pond in the backyard.

Now, this time, he had a story. He even said, "Ma, don't be mad. Let me tell you the whole story." I stopped him right there. If you remember this is a child who at age three had a whole imaginary family named "Ha-her, Doh, and baby Free". I could not let the "whole story" telling even begin. I simply asked, " Why did you turn the hose on when you have been told not to?"
He puts a hand on his hip, looks up at me with those wild curls a swaying in the breeze and replies, "Actually Mom, it was a cat or a dog."

A cat or a dog? You mean to tell me this, this is the story that boy is going to use?
I said, "No Emerson. A cat could not turn on the hose, there is no way that happened."
"Well..." he says, missing nary a beat, "A really big dog could"... and he is actually looking almost proud, like how can she argue with my logic?
I have read all those stupid child rearing books that say "never accuse a child of lying". Whatever. I just said, "You are lying Emerson. A dog, a big dog, did not in fact turn that hose on. You did and you are lying to me. Go in the house, your punishment and I will be there soon."
Do you see what I am up against???
(And just so you know the resolve with which Emerson tells his fibs, he still maintains that a dog, and I quote, "a really smart dog" turned that hose on. )

Onto Lincoln, who of late is utterly fascinated with the word chicken. Everything is proceeded or preceded by the word "chicken" I am chicken mom, Alden is chicken baby, poop is even chicken poop... it was cute for about 5 minutes, now, now I loathe anything to even do with poultry. So, fast forward to dinner last night. We are outside, grilling out, like an all American post-cardish family. Micah asks Lincoln about a party at school that involved dancing, how it went, what he did, etc. Lincoln says, "We did the twist, the hokey pokey, the chicken dance." Micah responds, "The chicken dance? I bet you loved doing that."

Lincoln looks at us and in this very serious tone says, "Well, I did the best I could. I had a cramp." I think I gave birth to Napoleon Dynamite. He was not trying to be funny, and I know it is not as funny when it is typed out, but people, try and imagine a 6 year old complaining of cramps at the chicken dance... we were spitting out brats and laughing so hard...

Here is some scrap stuff... yeah, just "stuff." This post has been sitting waiting to be published for a good couple weeks, so I have no more time for creativity... These were all done during an online crop for Memorable Seasons. :) I know my non- scrapper friends love to hear that I spent my time this way...
This was for a challenge where you had to use hidden journaling. It is indeed about Micah's new job... the journaling is on the back of the card that says "wishes".
This one is about my dear friend Michelle. She is an amazing person and her faith is inspiring. It is hard to see in the scan, but there is an M and a J on the little circles next to the flower.

This is a whole other blog post...

A little something about another wonderful friend I have, Chris. She makes me laugh so stinking much!

This was one where you could not use any patterned paper, so I doodled that background. Sarah, don't look too close at my pitiful robots!
Alright. Enough. Does anybody even read this thing anymore???