Thursday, December 31, 2009

2010 Resolutions...

Here they are... my 2010 Resolutions. I thought about renaming them in some wimpy like form such as:
2010 plans
things to do maybe, in 2010
or even possibilities 2010.

That way if I don't follow through, I won't feel so bad. I mean, resolve... that is some harsh language people. I totally think in our age of wishywashiness I could get a real following of people who get on the band wagon to end the "pressure" of calling them resolutions. It will be the new thing to be politically correct about... I can see the car magnets now.

So here are mine, in no particular order:
1) eat breakfast every day. Please note, breakfast will not be allowed to be a brown liquid in a mug. This one will be hard, I like my jack in a mug... Just kidding, of course I mean coffee.
2) I will paint my right thumbnail red to remind me not to talk so much. Of course, that is kind of an oddity, to have one red nail, so I will have to explain why, and that will lead to more chatting, and hmmm... I think I shall have to tweak this plan...
3) I will go on a plane and visit a friend somewhere at some time. There will be no one traveling near me that once held residence in my uterus.
4) I will win the following bet I have made with my Micah. If I lose 8 lbs in January I get to buy a speedlite for my camera. If you see me lifting a carbohydrate to my lips, slap it away and yell, "Think of the clear photos fatty!" Thank you for your help, and please, whisper the fatty part.
5) I will make a cake from scratch. This is due to the viewing of Julie and Julia, and will likely be a failure, but at least I can say duncan hines does not own me.
6 I will not change any diapers on Mondays. None, zero, zilch. Micah is not aware of this resolution and will probably not be a big supporter of it, but resolve I must, and I vow to stick to this one... it is a matter of principal you know...
7) No more weed beds. My front flower bed looks like I am blue ribbon winner in the crabgrass growing category at the county fair. No more! I will till, weed, and plant until a thing of beauty is thriving properly. (or I may just plant some grass and be done with it, but either way, the weeds will be gone. I like a good loop hole, don't you?)
8) I promise to read every issue of Us magazine that I am getting for the princely sum of $1 a year. Thank you , I will no longer need to go to bed at night worrying about what Nicole Richie is naming her children, or which moronic celebrity paid $1500 for a new handbag. My brain may not be able to handle such intellectual stimulation, but I will try it none the less.
9) The avoidance of ever eating a fish taco shall not waiver in 2010.
10) The walls of my stairway will be properly cleaned and the fingerprints removed... or maybe just painted over. This is akin to the weed issue in resolution #7.

So what are your 2010 Resolutions?

Saturday, December 19, 2009

To tweet or not to tweet...

So , last week, I am sitting in church. I hear my phone make its little ringy alert noise that lets me know I have a text. Um... who is texting me? While I am in church? It is from my husband's dear dear friend, JD. (guys do not refer to themselves as anything other than friend. I am guessing neither will be fond of my use of the term "dear" in double time. Let me put it this way... JD was the best man at our wedding, he was with us on our first date, and technically, we at one point in our married life, lived with him. That should make the use of labels a mute point from here on out.)

So, my text was from JD. JD is a pastor, so I am little shocked that he is texting me whilst preaching...

the text reads "behind u".
Sure enough, I turn around and there are JD and his wife Veronica. Veronica is one of my favorite people. We don't get to see each other very often, but I love that when we get to, it is like seeing a friend you hang out with all the time. Now Veronica, (aka Vee) is also about 37 weeks pregnant. She is all Heidi Klumesque in her preggo state, but that is not the point of this tale...
We were chatting about baby names, delivery, etc. and the faux paus of texting in church. (which JD will argue that I should have had my phone on mute... yeah yeah yeah... )She tells me she has forbidden JD from tweeting the birth of their upcoming child. So, in order to help Vee out, I am giving JD some guidelines for acceptable and not so acceptable tweets for the man child's arrival.

OK tweets:
* "we are at the hospital. i am excited about the food already"
* "my wife makes even hospital blue look good"
* "micah is my hero"
* "contractions are things like isn't, and can't... my wife laughs at these birthing "contractions"
* "I am the forever servant of my amazing wife after what she and her body are about to go through."
* "I love to give back rubs!"
I also think it is safe to tweet anything related to helpful hospital staff, the good parking spot you snagged, or how thankful you are for your wife. All ok...

UNacceptable tweets:
* "8 cm and 75% effaced"
* "Wow, who knew toes could swell?"
* "I think cankles are sexy"
* "I think 'we' should do this drug free" (note the unacceptable part here is the reference to "we".)
* "push"
* "Hmmm... episiotomy or not? Advice?"
* "Dang, when is it my turn for a back rub here?"
* "honey how are those ice chips? My prime rib is a little tough, bummer"
* "this is taking forever"
Also note anything to with the words cervix, crowning, stirrups, camel through the eye of a needle, etc are also out.

Hopefully JD will keep this list handy and remember, some events need not be tweeted in their entirety. Oh, and FYI the most acceptable tweet would be "baby Jude has arrived." I mean, it is a gender neutral name you know... and biblical... and I am just sayin'... ;)

Monday, December 07, 2009

How many times...

How many times in one day can one person legally say the word "Poop"?
Yes, you read that right.
Alden decided he wanted to start pooping on the potty a few weeks ago. Now, that sounds all well and good. I had glamorized thoughts of the extra cash we would have since we would not be buying diapers, and was immediately encouraging this behavior. Boy, was I duped.

In case you can't remember Alden is 2 years, 2 months, and 17 days old. That is problem number one. (ha, no pun intended. enjoy that freebie though.) He thinks he wants to poop on the potty... yet the ability to do so in proper fashion, is just not quite there yet.
Hence we end with alot of this...
"Ma, I gotta poop. Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma poooooppppppyyy on da poooooottttttyyyyy. Pwease!!!!!"
Really, how can I deny that?
So we go. He sits. He does actually poop 90% of the time. It is the chatting involved that I take issue with. I mean, we're not discussing global issues here. Here is typical potty chat:
Mom: Ok Alden, do you really need to poopy?
Alden: Yes Mom, I go poopy. On da potty.
Mom: Ok, let's get your pants off.
Alden: No, no, no. I do it.
After waiting approximately 38 minutes for him to remove his pants, we sit him the commode.
Alden: Oh! Mom, you hear dat? Hear the poopy coming?
Mom: Yes Alden, I hear the poopy coming.
We wait about 5 more minutes and continue to banter back and forth about all the glorious sounds announcing the poop's impending arrival.
Then, when actual defecation begins... I better be paying attention.
Alden: LOOK MOM! You see dat? You see dat poopy?
Mom: Yes Alden, I see that poopy. Good job, that is a nice poopy.
Alden, Oh, Mom!! Here comes nother one! Nother poopy comin mom! Look!
Mom: (peering into the potty, and yes, you better be actually looking, there is no faking him out) Ok, let's go. Come on and finish poopying.
Alden: Ok Mom, the poopy is cooooommmmmiiiiiiiinnnnnggggg out. Oh, Look Mom! It IS a good poopy. A good good poopy.
Mom:Yes, it is a lovely and good poop. Well done Dookey Master. (clapping ensues)
After helping him down, we flush... at which point We must holler our goodbyes to the poop. Oh yes, we are standing over the potty yelling, "Goodbye Poopy! Goodbye!" There is waving involved as well. It is then that I realize, we should never, ever, ever, allow cameras into our home to view our daily life. There go my hopes of being a reality TV mom star.
So then we clean up, all the while high fiving, and chatting about the "really good" poopy. There is a cookie for a reward, and much celebration. I think when it is all over, I must have uttered the words "Poop" "poopy" or "poopying" at least 429 times. It disturbs me on so many levels, but alas... such is the life with three boys. I know someday it will be over, and I will long for the times of chatting and poop talk with the Dookey Masters. Until then, I still find it humiliating when someone calls and asks what are you doing, and I forget and say, "Oh, helping Alden go poop"... where is the girl who used to style hair all day, and wore leather pants with funky boots?
Oh, her... she is probably in the bathroom... helping someone...
you guessed it...

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Oh, Cindy-Lou Who, where are you???

I have noticed something whilst out and about the last couple of weeks. Here it is...
We have far too few Cindy-Lou Whos out there shopping, and WAY too many Grinches. It starts in early October when retailers skip over Halloween and Thanksgiving and jump right to Christmas. Since I love fall, I mean I LOVE FALL, and Thanksgiving is my favorite Holiday, this irks me a bit. I have launched my own personal anti-earlyization of Christmas movement. Make no mistake, and do not e-mail a harsh rebuke... I am not against Christmas, oh quite the opposite... I am opposed to the ANTI-EARLYIZATION (new wordage) of the shopping part of it. I do not walk down the Michael's aisle that is so crammed full of fake wreaths and pine cones, you wonder... do people even know these actually grow... outside... in nature?

I don't dare walk down the trappings of Target's Complete Home Christmas Overhaul Department. OK, that is not what Target calls it, but you (ok.. I) am easily duped into their retailing traps... "Oh, yes, I DO need a Christmas themed ottoman!" or "However have we celebrated the holidays all these years without our very own Christmas coffeemaker with matching carafe?" One minute I am lecturing my kids about how we are thankful for the very food we are eating, and the next minute I am trying to convince myself that a snowman toilet paper holder IS a good way to spend $10. Oh, the retail shame of it all...
So, I dare not go down these aisles until late November or so... By then I have put up our tree, decorated our house, and feel plenty happy with the level of red and green present in our home. I warn you... if you too suffer from targetoverdecoratitis, steer clear of that place until January.

So, now that I am able to focus on picking up things like laundry detergent, diapers, and clorox wipes, I notice things...
People are grumpy when they shop.
Here they are, with a cart full of gifts, and the scowl on their face lets you know they have thoroughly enjoyed purchasing them. The Grinchies, the get mad when an item is out of stock. They get mad when they wait in line. They get mad about spending the money, mad about wrapping the gifts. Grinchies grump about teacher gifts, over excited children, and crowded parking lots. To the Grinchies I say... STAY HOME!
*Stop glaring at my cute little Hadji who is blocking the aisle because he is talking to a stuffed dog that fell off the shelf.
*Stop fussing at the 40-something mom who is working the checkout. It is not her fault someone has coupons, and do you think this is where SHE wants to be on Friday night?
*Stop beeping your horn at older people who dare take an extra half second to make it through the cross walk.
Go Home. Use you mouse, and click to purchase. Then the only person who has to deal with your grumpy grinchie self is the UPS man. God Bless you UPS man, the grinchies don't like to sign for packages either.

Now... where are all the Cindy-Lou Whos??? They are the ones who smile, and seem to be happy about purchasing things for others. They realize waiting in a line, is... well... just waiting. In a line. It is not the end of the world.Cindy-Lou, she may actually, I don't know, chat with her kids while they shop, and let them know that yes, they can and should pick up that fallen item off the floor and put it back on the shelf. (grinchies just leave it, "let the employees do their job" they say.)
Cindy-Lou does not get mad over a parking spot, she is thankful she can actually walk from the remote lot. Cindy Lous smile and chat with checkout ladies, and their life does not hinge on finding the shortest line. She may even, gasp... let someone with fewer items in front of her!?!? She is a crazy one this Cindy Lou Who. She is actually HAPPY. Happy about Christmas, happy about shopping, happy to be with her kids, and seems to be enjoying life. She is a mad woman! So... who is this Cindy Lou chick...

well, it could be YOU, that's Who.

Onto Scraptivity. Welcome December Daily. I will try to keep up with you this year... here is Day One. Day two is laid out here on my scrap desk, but alas, I made an apple pie this afternoon, and shhh... took a nap, so day two is not ready yet.
And because I am a random-slackerish kind of gal, here are some Halloween layouts too... gotta give fall props ya' know!

PS All the goodies used came from Memorable Seasons!