Monday, December 07, 2009

How many times...

How many times in one day can one person legally say the word "Poop"?
Yes, you read that right.
Alden decided he wanted to start pooping on the potty a few weeks ago. Now, that sounds all well and good. I had glamorized thoughts of the extra cash we would have since we would not be buying diapers, and was immediately encouraging this behavior. Boy, was I duped.

In case you can't remember Alden is 2 years, 2 months, and 17 days old. That is problem number one. (ha, no pun intended. enjoy that freebie though.) He thinks he wants to poop on the potty... yet the ability to do so in proper fashion, is just not quite there yet.
Hence we end with alot of this...
"Ma, I gotta poop. Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma poooooppppppyyy on da poooooottttttyyyyy. Pwease!!!!!"
Really, how can I deny that?
So we go. He sits. He does actually poop 90% of the time. It is the chatting involved that I take issue with. I mean, we're not discussing global issues here. Here is typical potty chat:
Mom: Ok Alden, do you really need to poopy?
Alden: Yes Mom, I go poopy. On da potty.
Mom: Ok, let's get your pants off.
Alden: No, no, no. I do it.
After waiting approximately 38 minutes for him to remove his pants, we sit him the commode.
Alden: Oh! Mom, you hear dat? Hear the poopy coming?
Mom: Yes Alden, I hear the poopy coming.
We wait about 5 more minutes and continue to banter back and forth about all the glorious sounds announcing the poop's impending arrival.
Then, when actual defecation begins... I better be paying attention.
Alden: LOOK MOM! You see dat? You see dat poopy?
Mom: Yes Alden, I see that poopy. Good job, that is a nice poopy.
Alden, Oh, Mom!! Here comes nother one! Nother poopy comin mom! Look!
Mom: (peering into the potty, and yes, you better be actually looking, there is no faking him out) Ok, let's go. Come on and finish poopying.
Alden: Ok Mom, the poopy is cooooommmmmiiiiiiiinnnnnggggg out. Oh, Look Mom! It IS a good poopy. A good good poopy.
Mom:Yes, it is a lovely and good poop. Well done Dookey Master. (clapping ensues)
After helping him down, we flush... at which point We must holler our goodbyes to the poop. Oh yes, we are standing over the potty yelling, "Goodbye Poopy! Goodbye!" There is waving involved as well. It is then that I realize, we should never, ever, ever, allow cameras into our home to view our daily life. There go my hopes of being a reality TV mom star.
So then we clean up, all the while high fiving, and chatting about the "really good" poopy. There is a cookie for a reward, and much celebration. I think when it is all over, I must have uttered the words "Poop" "poopy" or "poopying" at least 429 times. It disturbs me on so many levels, but alas... such is the life with three boys. I know someday it will be over, and I will long for the times of chatting and poop talk with the Dookey Masters. Until then, I still find it humiliating when someone calls and asks what are you doing, and I forget and say, "Oh, helping Alden go poop"... where is the girl who used to style hair all day, and wore leather pants with funky boots?
Oh, her... she is probably in the bathroom... helping someone...
you guessed it...


  1. LOL! oh the things we do as parents just to get our kids to do something! At least he's into though. Man, Jake was literally scared to poop on the potty and would hold it for days. seriously. it was not good.

  2. OMGosh this is too funny. Having two girls, I didn't have that much humiliation, although, I do remember one time, when I had a house full of people, my oldest was potty training, ran into the bathroom, and next thing I heard was "MOM I S##T!. Yep, right in front of all those people....moan....hanging my head in shame.

  3. That is great! LOL!

    Those days are gone in my life with a 15 yr old boy--no poopy talk-no waving goodbye--man how time flies! Briefly entertaining asking him to reenacts the old days.... naw! I don't think he'd go for it--though I'll let you know if he does. :))

    Sounds like a cute little Dookey Master! {loved that}

  4. I can't wait to hear how your first PUBLIC potty trip goes. :) So much fun, these boys. I love that little Dookie Monster.

  5. Chrissy, not Simon.

  6. Oh, oops, DookEY Master. The Dookie Monster actually lives here.

  7. Anonymous11:46 PM

    Alden is terribly cute though- and you are a good Mommy to endure the potty chatter.
    Egg Salad

  8. Hi, Jude. I just discovered you through Brandi's blog. Your stories are so funny! I recently got a blog award from another blogger and was told to highlight 7 other blogs I liked. I picked yours as one of them. Great work helping us focus on what matters! (:


  9. we wave and say goodbye too. Thanks for the laugh!

  10. Such is the transition from babe to babe maker.

    Don't worry.

    He won't be sixteen and prompting you or the same banter.

  11. what the bleep, bleep, bleep (all good words I promise) happened to baby Alden???

    I swear all I did was blink and he went from baby to little boy with the cutest Jonas Brothers hair!!! I LOVE HIM!!!

  12. can't say this happens at my house. :)

  13. I have visions of side by side stalls in a public poopin spot. You in one stall. Alden in the next. And him yelling for the long line of ladies waiting to hear... "mommy...did you poop in there?"