I am not myself lately... I mean, I think there is a vicious conspiracy between my hormones and my brain to make me nuts. Here is an example...
It all started innocently enough. We got the NetFlix and it was Evan Almighty, which I picked. So we start watching at 9:30pm. By 9:35pm I am literally dead asleep. So, the next day Micah, the great husband that he is, takes the boys hiking and gives me a little quiet time with Alden. Well, I go to put in the movie to watch and its gone...
I begin a frantic search for it.
Why I felt frantic I do not know. Micah had already said it was not as funny as I was anticipating. Yet, still the "frantic" search went on. Then I see it out the window... the flag on the mailbox is up. I know what that means. It means Micah has already put it in the mail to send back!
What??? I have not watched it yet... hello hormone surge...
I got upset.
I mean, literally in tears.
I called Micah and asked,
Sniff, sniff " Did you send the netflix back?"
"Um, Yeah." he replies.
"Well, I was going to watch it! Did you forget about me not getting to see it?"
"Jude, babe, if you want to watch it, it is right out there in the mailbox, just go get it. Sorry I just forgot you didn't watch it."
"Fine" I retort.
"Hon, are you upset? he asks.
"No, its okay" I fib...
Cause then I hang up and cry because, and I literally say out loud and tearfully, " I cannot believe he forgot me. I just can't believe he sent that Netflix back." Then as if the sanity fairy came out of the heavens and smacked me with the 2x4 of reality I realized what I was doing...
Over the NetFlix.
Next example... cause there are many...
I am having an errand night. Alone. Meaning Micah gets home and I exit, rather quickly, to go get some alone time whilst running errands. So, I have Babies R Us, Target, Costco, and the grocery store on my list. It is cold, it is rainy, and I literally do not want to go. I want to stay home and snuggle with Micah on the couch. Ah, but I realize this is the only night of the week I can go, so off I set. First stop, Babies R Us. I get in the door, and realize as I go to put my keys in my purse, that I have left my wallet at home. So there I am. No wallet... which means no credit cards, no ID. I wait in an insanely slow line to ask in my best -I am a trustworthy person who doesn't bounce checks- voice if they will let me write a check sans ID. NO! Was the quick reply. Well... alrighty then. Another employee asks "Doesn't someone with you have ID, we could even use theirs."
Well, that is the irony of alone errand night... My wallet is in the diaper bag, so if i HAD my kids with me, I would not be having this problem. Hello Hormone Surge
So I walk out to the car, and literally burst into tears... I mean, these were river flowing, need a tissue, dripping off the chin, tears.
I call Micah and say "I am headed home! I forgot my wallet and I can't buy anything or even get into Costco. I am so disappointed with myself for forgetting. I am beyond ticked off!"
His sweet reply... after a little giggle i might add...
"It's okay hon. Just calm down. Have you prayed about it?"
"HUH?" I literally held the phone away from my ear and just looked at it.
Are you kidding me I think? I am too busy being ticked off and crying to pray! And that is the point of his question I know. Now, I can write about this because normally Micah does not do things like this. He is a pretty terrific husband and Dad. If he asked goober questions like that all the time, it would not be so humorous.
So, I head home. Get my ID and head to the grocery store at least. (cause that is all I have time for thank you medela! It will be so nice when my entire body can go out for a few hours... ) And after hugs from all the men of the house I feel better, and on the way there, I do think and pray and realize... (hello, 2x4 moment again) this is not a big deal. I mean, really, really not a big deal. Hurricanes, cancer, etc. these are issues I should be crying over. So, reason returns and as I look at my pile of discarded tissues and think of the last half hour, I ponder... "who was that freakish woman?" I wonder if this is what having a split personality is like???
These hormones are sneaky little things. I will not be bested by them. Sanity will reign! Well, okay, maybe not total sanity, but at least some reasonable measure of normalcy would be nice. Cause between you and me, I am ready to stop feeling like Mommy Dearest. (No More wire hangers!)
Until then, I will be scrapping... or crying about you know, the fridge light burning out or getting my shirt wet while I wash dishes... those really upsetting big life issues...
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