Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Bread or Wood... you decide.

So, many moons ago, I gave up all manner of white bread. We are a strictly whole wheat kind of family. Well, being the savvy shopper that I am, I buy whichever good bread is on sale...
Uh-huh... hold on to your hats, because this, this is BREAD REVIEWAGE... I think the fact that I can be critical about things and let it fall under the guise of a "review" has really struck a chord with me...

Are there any positions out there for Criticsgeneralis??? (** new wordage alert... criticgeneralis is one who is good at critiquing, well.... everything!!) Seriously, can you see why this is right up my alley? I mean, it is not for everyone. I do have a PhD from the school of judgemental wenchiness. I majored in extreme sarcasm, and minored in repetitive complaining... you should see my thesis... I'll just tell you, the title is "My Allergies to Annoying People and Other Global Conspiracies."

Anyhoo... back to baked goods...

I got some new bread.
It was on sale.
I bought 6, yes 6 loaves.
It was a lovely Sara Lee bread.
"100% Whole Wheat!" it said...
"Hearty and Delicious!" it bragged...
Yeah Right.

I should preface the following childusrefusious story (*yep, it a twofer day on the new wordage. Childusrefusius is when a child refuses something, but it must be fully explained so you will know if it was bratmaximus refusious or simply an okrefusious.)

So, I am not raising sissy boys.
We don't cut crusts off bread or peel apples round these parts... oh no...
However, after both of my children tried repeatedly to embrace the Sara Lee bread, and kept saying things like, "It's got funny crunchies in it," or "What is all this hard stuff? I can't chew it." I finally acquiesced and gave them a different whole wheat bread.
Then, I realized, I didn't even like this bread. It was like eating an oat field for pity's sake.

It is one thing to be "grain filled"... it is another thing altogether to be a mine field of rough grainy pieces that will hurt your mouth, get stuck in your teeth, and cause hours of that whole tongue in the space between your teeth trying to wedge out the offending grain stuff.

The final straw came a few days ago when I literally pulled out a piece of wood. I think I could build a birdhouse with all the supposed grains in this bread.

I mean, this was literally a chunk of wood... in my bread... that I was eating...wood...
um, no thanks Sara Lee.
Your reviewage points below will be in direct proportion to the amount of time I spent chewing all that wood...

(this is a 5 star scale FYI)
Product Marketing:**** 4 stars, because it is brilliant to use the cost effectiveness of wood shavings rather than the more expensive actual grains to bulk up the loaf, you gotta give them props there...
Product taste:* The non-grainy portions were okay.
Overall Rating: NEGATIVE 5,422... for the simple fact that I had to floss my teeth after eating this bread you get negative stars...

So, there it is folks, the bread reviewage... stay tuned... other foods and household products may follow...

Here are a couple LOs using the new kit from Memorable Seasons. It was designed by Jen, one of the DT members, and is chock full of goodies. She did a really good job with it. So, go... buy one, make stuff, it will be cool. (click to enlarge)

These next ones are an acrylic album I am making for Lincoln's first week of school this year. I'll post it all when it is done later this month. Seriously, I have made this book, 3 LOs and still have tons of stuff left... see I slipped a pimpage in there on ya! :)

Now, these are the first two days of my August "31 day journal." This will be the third year I have done one. You simply make a page a day for 31 days. I always make myself use the scraps around my desk, so they are not masterpieces or anything, but the idea is to get them done!! (personal info has been blacked out!! )
Day one:

Day Two:


  1. bwhahahahahahah girl i am in hysterics!! seriously...that has to be the best reviewage i have read in a while...this does NOT however top the marketing of doritos butts and chettos butts...bwhahahahahaha
    u are killin me smiles!

  2. omgosh! I've HAD that bread before. It's nasty. Somehow when I started reading, I knew you were going to talk about Sara Lee. Blah. Wood?? I'm all for whole grains, but I'll pass on the wood!
    LOVE your acrylic album! So cute!

  3. never had the bread, and never will try it. I like fluffy goodness while enjoying my peanut butter and jelly thank you very much.

    besides, tanner wouldn't let me get any other bread than the one I currently buy. i've tried, he tells me it's not his bread and to get the right one.

    And that is an adorable acrylic album!

  4. Did that album come in the kit?!? It's already on my wish list to be purchased with my next order{waiting on some more CHA goodies to be stocked}.

    So apparently "Somebody doesn't like Sara Lee..." isn't that how the commercial goes, "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee?"

    IMO, her honey wheat bread isn't that bad, but does the honey cancel out the whole grain healthiness? I dunno, maybe you should do a review. :)

    Aaaaaaaaand, I'm honored to have made the first page of your August journal. Yay!


  5. i agree...that bread is BAD!

    i promise not to feed it to you when you come.

  6. I've totally had that bread too :)
    now we stick with the split butter wheat- which of course from the name says it's probably the best one out there!
    also loving the little mini...how cool - AND prepared of you!
    and the 31 day journal...I just need to get caught up on blogging and my potd's :)

  7. I hate Sara Lee bread. I have some goodies for you. Now to find the time to make the delivery....
    Love the 1st day album. Love the 31 day journal. I ordered Jen's kit and can't wait for it to arrive. We'll have a scrap night!

  8. i thank you on behalf of my 4 loaves a week eating family. we have rarely met a bread we didn't like.
    i'm a pepp farm girl myself :)
    oh, and that acrylic album is loveliness.

  9. The bread thing is just too funny. Love that mini!

  10. I feel the same way about the bread thing. We bought some kind like that and it even had like whole sunflower seeds in it. To which I will pass. I like a soft bread that doesn't have hard things in it.I kinda like it so fresh it gets stuck in the roof of your mouth. Love your mini.. too cute. Have a super day.

  11. I will occasionally eat multi-grain bread but I have to know it is that. However my whole wheat should be soft and contain no wood parts. Seriously love that mini album.

  12. YIKES! Wood in bread ... now that's taking it a little too far! No wonder it was on sale =) Just stoppin by to say hello! Hope you are having a great summer!
    PS, Loving what you are doing with the kit!

  13. you are killin' me!!! yeah i agree you shouldn't have to floss after eating bread! we are a whole wheat family too! I love all of your layouts too, esp. the mini! ;)

  14. ummmm, duhhhhhhhhhhh. I could have told you NOT to buy that bread for the same reasons. Oh..I haven't talked to you lately...my bad. Really, I have tried that bread and it is awful....I'm with you on the review.

    Second....loving that scrapgoodedness....hehehehehe...like that one do ya?????? I have been scrapping, but I can't show cuz it's a secret present for a special someone. Love and hugs and thanks for your prayers and comments.

  15. Ok, where on EARF have I been? I have been checking your blog for a couple of weeks and I don't know WHY I thought I'd already read this. I'm getting old!

    You are killing me with this bread story. Too funny! My MIL bought some of this bread before and she HATED it. She threw the entire "log" away! :-)

    I just love your wordage :-).

  16. cool los!! come check out way i have tegged you on my blog!!

  17. Anonymous10:10 PM

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