Friday, July 11, 2008

Protein, face it, it is not gooey...

So, we, meaning Micah and myself, are in a new state of fitness and nutrition. It has not been bad until...
We decided to try these "Protein Meal Replacement Bars."
Now, right there, with a name like that, I should have known. Known what you ask?
Well, let's just make a list shall we???
1. You cannot possibly replace a meal, even a healthy, balanced one, with a bar...
can you stuff smoked turkey on whole wheat in there? No, don't think so. There is also no smokey jack panini or grilled chicken salad hiding in there...

2. Protein advertised as "Delicious"... is really fakealicious.
(** new wordage alert. Just for you Jessi, Vee, Karla, and Ronda! Fakealicious, meaning a fake representation of a delicious food.
Do not confuse this wordage with "fraudilicious". That is referring to things like "A high mileage, energy saving, green SUV!" or "The Miracle Swimsuit, Lose 2 inches just putting it on!"... that is total fraudiliciousness.) Ok, back to the list...

3.When something looks ooey, gooey and chocolately, but has a mere 4 grams of sugar... realize up front, it will not actually TASTE ooey, gooey, or chocolatey! I mean, really, I opened it and thought, okay, this actually looks good. I took one bite and between the flashbacks of my mom's Shaklee phase, and the horrid chalky taste, I was almost laying on the ground howling.. "SUGAR!! Where fore art thou SUGAR???" Ah, yes, so very Shakespearean was my longing for real sweetness.

4. Upon reading the label, know that "Ingredients include alcohol sugar which may cause gastrointestinal cramping and discomfort" is NOT something you should EVER see on a food you are about to ingest. Plus it is true. And we will leave that package unopened my friends.

5.The label touting its ability to"Produces a great anabolic reaction! Use immediately after a workout for best results!" makes me think this, this is not a product for me. All I want is to not jiggle in my clothes, I don't want anabolic muscle reactions. It scared me a little, and now coupled with my voice changing, a bulging Adam's apple, and the urge to scratch unseemly places, makes me think this is something for men... men seek anabolic help. I seek liposuction type help. Slap that heading on a bar and I think I'd eat lint.

So, yeah, I think that ends my venture into meal replacement bars.
OK, scrapnewsity:
(click to enlarge)

This is the last mini-mini I made for Memorable Seasons. It a mere 2½ in tall and 4 in. wide.)
It is a little tribute to Jen, and what a good friend she is. I will upload all the pages to my flickr account and you can see them there if you want. (Link is on the side bar)


  1. Hey, i get to be the first comment. First, i would like to thank all the lovely ladies that kept my wife up til 2am last night. whatta pleasure dealing with a grouchy gal. j/k

    second, jude, this post is hilarious. i am so glad you even tried the bar.


    everything you said is so so true. Yucky. Instead grab a Fiber One bar for in between your salads and turkey sandwiches. (they are tasty and not fakealicious).

    Micah..she wasn't grouchy last night at 2 we are all ok with keeping her up late to scrap, chat, and just be....

  3. you never cease to make me laugh! Yeah those bars are nasty! I really don't know how people can eat them. And why do they always make everything chocolaty?

  4. Anonymous2:17 PM

    WHERE'S MY DICTIONARY ACCORDING TO JUDE????i fully expect to see one gracing my mailbox in the VERY near future!!!!

    o and did i mention i am on my floor laughing so hard right now???

    ooey gooey grossness is definitely not for me!!! i have delved intothat world....for a very very breif time and thought...ummm if i can't do this diet thing with natural REAL and not fakealicious ingredients than i was doomed to never lose my jiggle...but at least i know my jiggle is real and not caused by fakealicsious outside help!!!LOL!!!

    MICAH!!!!you are most welcome!!!! we look forward to doing so again and again and again!!!!

    jude...have a fabulousity of a good day!!! :P

  5. >>>MICAH!!!!you are most welcome!!!! we look forward to doing so again and again and again!!!!<<<<

    and again and again and again...

  6. Anonymous2:21 PM

    ....and again and again and again and again and again....

  7. ....and again and again and again and again and again....

  8. Anonymous2:27 PM

    and again....

  9. Anonymous2:29 PM

    and again...

    you see where this is going hey?? you might want to enable your comment moderator, ROTFL...

    ...and again....

  10. ....and again and again

  11. you ladies are too funny. might want to get up from the floor. you could hurt yourself.

  12. Anonymous10:48 PM

    ummm...micah...didn't your wife tell you?? my room is padded!!! and some more ROTFL!!!!

  13. That is just downright hilarious!

    I love that layout of Cowboy Emerson! The enlarged photo, the journaling right on the photo and the journaling itself! I'm gonna have to lift that one.

  14. HEE HEE! Thanks for the tip about the bar ... I have some post baby fat to burn off ...

    And those layouts and mini are awesome! Have a great day Jude! Kim

  15. you frickin slay me!!!There has got to be some magazine of women's daily or something looking for talent, you gotta send them a link to your blog!
    oh and Kim is totally lying about baby jiggle, she looks smaller than when she got knockedupped! send her one of those bars just for pennance!
    I am bed bound for another week so how do I get in on this late night crop???

  16. Anonymous10:55 AM

    2 words: protein shakes.

  17. Those bars are just gross sounding.

    I'll stick with salads and fruits and protein in a form that I pick out.

    Love the layouts!

  18. Your are cracking me up...too funny! Love your layouts! Have a super day!

  19. lol, love the verbage!!!! you are making me hungry not with the bar but the sandwiches, yum! love it :) all of your projects are gorgeous! :)
    lol, micah is funny!!!

  20. yes, i am waiting for the jude-mini-dictionary as well.
    if you haven't tried Luna Bars yet, get some. although they don't claim to be uber healthy, they at least taste like chocolate. and then we can pretend... ;)

  21. Thanks for the info Jude. I was JUST about to run out and grab some of those bars too :-). Let it be known, that the fiber bars aren't much better. However, they do cause one to "talk behind their back" to speak :-).

    Love the LO's! These are actually why I stopped by today. I needed to see what format of 8.5x11 you actually use. You use both...EXCELLENT!!! :-)

  22. you are too much girl ... seriously every time i read your blog you make me laugh! love the new words that keep coming too ... your scrapbooking is very cool, i love seeing what you've been creating!
    luv chanel

  23. great layouts and mini-mini...I have such a hard time scrapping that small! great new words--I'll need to add to my