Yes, you read that title right... Bathing suit shopping is not for wimps... Or for people who are currently in a state of knockedupedness. I have determined we need to go back to the whole "Bloomers at the Beach" way of life. You know, nice body covering bloomers. Think of how many teen girls who would be saved from the angst of appearing before their peers in a bathing suit. OR think of many LESS woman would be oogled while at the beach. Why this new turn of the century thought... I was in need of a new bathing suit.
I had the tankini I wore while preggo with Emerson.
I had the tankini I wore while preggo with Emerson.
It is just a regular size one, I got a bigger size than normal, and it worked fine...
until I stretched the straps beyond recognition...
um, I D-D-D-D-Don't know how that happened... (see last post to get that joke.)
So, I go to buy a new one and decide, I will actually buy a real,live, maternity bathing suit. This is where reality is not fun for me. In my dreams I am Heidi Klum... There are no fat armpits, or bulging tummies here... I am waif like really... in those lovely dreams...
Those are shattered the minute you step in front of an 8 foot mirror with harsh lighting. All of the sudden I am going... "Hello??? Whose butt is that? Me and Heidi, we don't look like this!"
The best part was the suit that had this open back... yeah, every knockeduped woman wants that, a nice flappy open backed suit to show off her girth.
And, apparently, you are supposed to embrace cleavage down to the navel...
I D-D-D-D-Don't know who thought of this, but unless JLo is designing these, they are not made by a woman. This is not just maternity suits either. Several friends have had this same lovely experience. I actually caught myself thinking "Does this make me look fat?"
Well, yes genius Jude... a small tight fitting piece of Lycra is designed to make a knockeduped person look slim. So, maybe it is my unreal expectations, too much Project Runway, or the the hormones, but I for one am going to try and bring back bloomers...
I think I will ask Justin Timberlake to write the song for the propaganda campaign... "I'm bringing back Bloomers...." Yeah, that's all your time I can conscionably waste for today...
Okkkk...I never bought a bathing suit during pregnancy lol, never...send me your snail mail addy...my emails keep bouncing back..
ReplyDeleteLOL...I hear ya loud and clear on the whole swimsuit thing! I just hope I can last through the summer in the one I have.
ReplyDeletestop crackin me up. I tearin up I'm laughing so hard. I was never, dear girl, as brave as you to even attempt finding a bathing suit when I was in the blissful state of "knockedupedness." Oh thank goodness those days are gone.... I'm still laughing. But, you are absolutely right... what is with the 8 foot mirrors and harsh lighting????? Talk about making ANYONE look bad... Have a beautiful day preggo. By the way, thanks so much for the sweet remark on my OLW lo. appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteSo, I am guessing that means you aren't swimming at the Life Group party tonight, huh?? :)
ReplyDeleteLOL! Hope you were able to find yourself a bloomer bathing suit! Have a fabulous day Jude! Kim
ReplyDeletefunny that you mention teenage girls in your post. last week at our pool all the teenage girls were wearing board shorts down to their knees and tank tops. totally modest and covered up. you may be on to something here! on the other hand there was a 8mth knocked up lady i was talking to and she was wearing a full on regular bikini. And looked gorgeous, I might add, big belly and all!
ReplyDeletelol!!!
ReplyDeleteI bet you look cute, Old Navy has maternity bathing suits :)
offically counting down :)
Oh, Jude...you are TOO funny!!!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you to my EVERYDAY life!!! No, I'm not "knocked up"...but I sure look like it from time to time. And I love those baithng suite that focus on a certain part of the body. You know the drill...if you have, say, a poochie belly, try THIS one. If you have big thighs, try THIS one. I'm with you...let's cover it ALL up!!!
Ya know, I think when I was pregnant in the summer, the closest I got to water was when I showered or got caught in a rainstorm. The fact that you're brave enough to CONSIDER buying a swimsuite AND getting in the water with it, is quite impressive!
Good luck my friend! And thanks for the laugh.
Shoot...for the record, I AM aware that swimsuit does NOT have an "E" at the end of it. I hate when I spell stuff wrong. ARGH!!
ReplyDeleteyou are brave just to swim while pregnant. I didn't even think about it. and I live in the land of perpetual sunshine.
ReplyDeleteand i am all about the bloomer thing. i hate swimsuit shopping. HATE it.
YOu look Mah-velous!! I saw your "belly" pic. I only wish I looked that great while I was in the same "state" :) lol. Get in that suit, girl!!!
ReplyDeletePS thanks for the lo luv you posted. I *so* appreciate it!!
no ma'me never bought one....i went in shorts and a tank top....
ReplyDeleteyou are soooo making me laugh
too funny ... good luck with that girl! enjoy!
ReplyDeleteLast summer when pregnant with Natalie I bought a maternity bathing suit right off the bat. Maybe it was that first pregnancy thing and I wanted people to know I was preggo! LOL I need to buy a new one, but just haven't made the effort!
ReplyDeleteyou crack me up lady!!!
ReplyDeleteand swimsuit...what is a swimsuit?? I stopped buying those back in 2004!!
You are one funny lady, Jude! Love the vintage pix.
ReplyDeletethanx so much Jude for the kind words. It means so much, i want you to know!! And please do come home! If ever you d, we must get togetha ;)
ReplyDelete:) You make me laugh, and would Tuesday work? I'm too lazy to email you, and it's too late to call you.
ReplyDeleteI will in the a.m.
:)
I hear ya and I am not knocked up! Bathing suits are just nasty! You will of course get the pats on the belly and people saying you have a "glow". the rest of us just get a sideways look that says, hey chubber, put that back on the rack!
ReplyDeleteHeavens no that is not THE pool on my blog, that's a pool that her godparents have at their home!!!
ReplyDeleteyou are hilarious and i'm sure you look lovely!!
ReplyDeleteOMGOSH...ROTFLMAO!! too funny!!! and I don't like bathing suits anytime of the year and in any state of body!! so bring back the bloomers!! I will go campaigning with you!!
ReplyDeletegood luck with your search and have a fabulous day!!