Thursday, June 18, 2009

I love you pocket size Lysol...

I am not a fan of public restrooms. In fact, I find the very idea of a plastic oval where multiple people park their hind parts and empty their waste to be one of the most barbaric normalities of our time.
When we are on road trips, we have designated stops where we know the bathrooms are clean. I do still however carry a pocket size Lysol can for those very occasions. Oh yes, they make Lysol pocket size now. I think besides flat-irons, paper plates, and baseball caps it is quite possibly one of the best inventions of all time. (what? you were thinking electricity?) After we use public bathrooms I do not want my children climbing back in the car with shoes that have just trekked all over someone else's urine soaked, fake mopped by a $7 hour high school employee - floors. So yes, I make them sit on the edge of the car, spray their shoes down and then place them under the seat, giving the Lysol time to set in.

So...
me plus
public bathrooms...
not so good.

On a recent trip to see two of my dearest college friends, I was awaiting my flight in the airport and realized... I needed to tinkle. When I am traveling alone I get all estrogen happy and no longer pee... I tinkle. It is so very girly... peeing sans an audience will do that to you.

Well, it was my great delight to enter the bathroom and find...
FRESHLY CLEANED STALLS!
The seats were still up and the smell of cheap pine cleaner was in the air!

Hallelujah! I picked a stall, and hovered happily.
If it is clean, why hover you say...
I will never, and I do mean NEVER place my cheekage on a public toilet seat, pine smell or not.

Now, since I had arrived way too early for my flight, I had to go AGAIN, before boarding. We all know, there is only one thing worse than public restrooms... and that is airplane toilets. They are a whole other level of demonic warfare. So... off I go, back to my clean stall. I get in, turn my bag around and lean it against the door. I have a broken suitcase wheel thingy... thank you Continental Airlines. So, my bag, it leans, and basically touches the floor. Well, I place it very carefully by the door turn around, and if you can picture Sissy Spacek's face in Carrie when the pig blood hit her... that was me. Only it was pee, and it was all over the floor, which meant, the part of my bag that has to lean down was... GASP!

TOUCHING SOMEONE ELSE'S URINE!!!!!!!

Holy Crapola! I flew out of that bathroom so fast. I turned to look again, and all I could think was how... how in the world did one person, and a female at that, manage to get that much pee on the floor?

I was seriously contemplating buying a new bag in the airport, but realized, my fear of urine poisoning would not convince Micah that $150 was money well spent on a new carry on. So, I did what any other red-blooded- American- germaphobe would do. I broke out my pocket Lysol and sprayed that bag down. I also sprayed my shoes. I was not taking any risks here.

It was at this point I pledged my undying gratitude and love to the pocket size Lysol. It has been the best $2.99 I have ever spent. ($1.99 if you factor in the coupon.)

So, Pocket Lysol, this one, (wipes tear away) this one is for you...
And a new scrap page, using my DT Kit from Memorable Seasons...

8 comments:

  1. That's hilarious, Jude! I love your writing :)

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  2. okay...so i really believe we may be cousins separated at birth! I despise, hate, loath public restrooms!!! mine is mainly due to the stench that is there! I LOVE LOVE cracker barrel restrooms! I never used a gas station restroom until i was pregnant. awful! I have found 2 ways to help me combat my bathroom anxiety - 1. I sing worship songs to distract me and 2. i chew gum or a strong mint (origins makes the best). The mint gets the smell distraction. When I went to china that was my worst nightmare!!! just a hole in the ground and if you found a toilet, there was urine everywhere! b/c the locals didn't know how to use them so they stood on top of the toilet and squatted! GROOSSSSS!!!!

    so i think that might have been my longest comment ever! i could go on and on! I am going to buy me a pocket Lysol TODAY!

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  3. I always wondered if I was the only person who thought about how gross your shoes are after returning from a public bathroom on a road trip (or anytime, really)! Thank goodness for your blog, or I might have thought I was crazy. P.S. Livy and Alden are too cute!

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  4. Jude, you crack me up! And now that I've joined the masses of air travelers, I'd have to agree with you about the plane potties. ACK!!! And I'm a big girl too...so turning around in that thing was also a major task...so peeing...FORGET ABOUT IT (in my best NYC crime family voice) :-)

    You are too funny! But I AM on my way to grab my pocket size Lysol...it'll get along swimmingly with my pocket sized Febreeze! ;)

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  5. That is really gross. How can an adult get pee all over the floor? A kid - maybe but what is wrong with people? I always freak out if there's not a hook to hang my purse or bag on.. no way am I setting that in the floor. LOL! Funny post!

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  6. lol jude, i am always amazed and grossed out when people urinate on the fl, especially woman, how can you miss? love your layout! :)

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  7. I think I may have bought a new carryon myself ... gotta invest in some pocket lysol! Have a great day my friend!
    Kim

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  8. ROFLMAO!Oh Jude...how i missed your blog while i was missing my computer! For shiz- i am waiting for some tv show to turn your blog into a half hour gut busting giggle fest once a week. I would tune in faithfully! and im sure your nose isn't growing! You're beautiful!

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