Bread or Wood... you decide.

So, many moons ago, I gave up all manner of white bread. We are a strictly whole wheat kind of family. Well, being the savvy shopper that I am, I buy whichever good bread is on sale...
Uh-huh... hold on to your hats, because this, this is BREAD REVIEWAGE... I think the fact that I can be critical about things and let it fall under the guise of a "review" has really struck a chord with me...

Are there any positions out there for Criticsgeneralis??? (** new wordage alert... criticgeneralis is one who is good at critiquing, well.... everything!!) Seriously, can you see why this is right up my alley? I mean, it is not for everyone. I do have a PhD from the school of judgemental wenchiness. I majored in extreme sarcasm, and minored in repetitive complaining... you should see my thesis... I'll just tell you, the title is "My Allergies to Annoying People and Other Global Conspiracies."

Anyhoo... back to baked goods...

I got some new bread.
It was on sale.
I bought 6, yes 6 loaves.
It was a lovely Sara Lee bread.
"100% Whole Wheat!" it said...
"Hearty and Delicious!" it bragged...
Yeah Right.

I should preface the following childusrefusious story (*yep, it a twofer day on the new wordage. Childusrefusius is when a child refuses something, but it must be fully explained so you will know if it was bratmaximus refusious or simply an okrefusious.)

So, I am not raising sissy boys.
We don't cut crusts off bread or peel apples round these parts... oh no...
However, after both of my children tried repeatedly to embrace the Sara Lee bread, and kept saying things like, "It's got funny crunchies in it," or "What is all this hard stuff? I can't chew it." I finally acquiesced and gave them a different whole wheat bread.
Then, I realized, I didn't even like this bread. It was like eating an oat field for pity's sake.

It is one thing to be "grain filled"... it is another thing altogether to be a mine field of rough grainy pieces that will hurt your mouth, get stuck in your teeth, and cause hours of that whole tongue in the space between your teeth trying to wedge out the offending grain stuff.

The final straw came a few days ago when I literally pulled out a piece of wood. I think I could build a birdhouse with all the supposed grains in this bread.

I mean, this was literally a chunk of wood... in my bread... that I was eating...wood...
um, no thanks Sara Lee.
Your reviewage points below will be in direct proportion to the amount of time I spent chewing all that wood...

(this is a 5 star scale FYI)
Product Marketing:**** 4 stars, because it is brilliant to use the cost effectiveness of wood shavings rather than the more expensive actual grains to bulk up the loaf, you gotta give them props there...
Product taste:* The non-grainy portions were okay.
Overall Rating: NEGATIVE 5,422... for the simple fact that I had to floss my teeth after eating this bread you get negative stars...

So, there it is folks, the bread reviewage... stay tuned... other foods and household products may follow...

Here are a couple LOs using the new kit from Memorable Seasons. It was designed by Jen, one of the DT members, and is chock full of goodies. She did a really good job with it. So, go... buy one, make stuff, it will be cool. (click to enlarge)

These next ones are an acrylic album I am making for Lincoln's first week of school this year. I'll post it all when it is done later this month. Seriously, I have made this book, 3 LOs and still have tons of stuff left... see I slipped a pimpage in there on ya! :)




Now, these are the first two days of my August "31 day journal." This will be the third year I have done one. You simply make a page a day for 31 days. I always make myself use the scraps around my desk, so they are not masterpieces or anything, but the idea is to get them done!! (personal info has been blacked out!! )
Day one:

Day Two:

Non-Scrappers beware...

This post, though fraught with sarcasm, will be totally scrap related, so all of you non-scrappers, you have been warned...
This is my official CHA Product reviewage:
(CHA is the Craft and Hobby Association, they have two shows a year where scrapbooking and crafting companies reveal all their new money sucking goodies. My pals, Karla and Vee are attending this year, though they hardly fit the mold of brown-nosing scrap celeb wannabes that are reported to attend this show... hopefully they will shake things up a bit eh? )

So, Jill the owner of Memorable Seasons has posted some of the "Sneak Peeks" of the new products. Now, whilst I am glad I get to see them, I wonder, are people who pay all that money to go a little miffed that everyone else gets to see the stuff too, and before the actual show???

Well, here are some reviews of the products... I have made the links to hit the Memorable Season sneak peeks so you can see the products I am talking about.

And I will even start with a good reviewage first...

America Crafts Thickers: I love these. I could offer up several good words about them, except that I am now in comatose like state after viewing them. I think I am beginning to understand men and their fascination with say, the bass pro shop, or ESPN... its like I can't look away, ah, but look away I must or the reviewage will be over before it starts...

Queen and Company: Hello? More felt??? I mean, I love the felt accents they already have but come on, how many more can you need or want? What is next? Felt borders in the shape of toilet paper rolls for those funny bathroom layouts... wait, I could actually use that one. Well, the point is, enough us enough already...

Little Yellow Bicycle: I love their new papers, but the layered rub ons??? I mean, mine do that on their own when i accidentally lay them on top of each other, but that usually involves some scrapfoulmouthedness... you know, that is when you mess up a layout and realize if I yell "Aw CRAP" at this cute LO of my baby, I think it loses something in the sweet memory department.

Piggy Tales: Ok, I admit it.. I have a hard time liking anything in their line, because their company is named after a farm animal's rump. I am going to start a company called Cow Butts and see how I sell... think about it...

Pink Paislee: Though I like some of the color combos, I see that HUGE owl on the vintage moon line and can't help but think... wouldn't this give you nightmares? yikers, that is one big bird... on scrapbook paper... a bid huge bird...on a scrapbook LO... can you see where I am going with this??? I also admit their packaging of glitter in cute tubes, though, adorable it is, is like buying candy at the Amish markets. You know, you buy gumballs or sour patch kids for like $24 a pound because the Amish people have been smart enough to put them in big barrels and then scoop them out with their special amish hands into small brown paper bags, and we think they are magical candies of yesteryear... sorry, if you are Amish I am not trying to offend you, but since you cannot say anything without getting busted for using a computer, I think I am pretty safe...

Heidi Swapp: All I can say about these papers is HUH??? Just make your dang letters stick and we will be happy, really... really. (and I do love me some HS chipboard... truly.)

Rusty Pickle: Again, a company name I just cannot understand... how about the Moldy Peach, or the Rotting Watermelon... sorry to say, but I think the rust has set into the creativity behind these new products...

Creative Imaginations: "Hello, Creative Imaginations? Its 1992, they are calling and they want their stickers back...

and we will end with the gypsies... (7 gypsies that is) You know I Love them... I think it is because my mom used to tell me the gypsies left me on her doorstep. Their new products are great... cool papers, embellishments and more new 97% stickers. You had to know I would love a product line that has sarcastic stickers...

So, there they are, a few product reviews from the scrapworld... as you can tell it has been a slow news day round these parts...

ETA: Well, this was supposed to post last week, before the CHA, when it would have more "sneakpeekish" but alas, it was not... but, here are some LOs that I have to share due to my slackerednesss... I cannot claim that as a new wordage, I think I have used it before, and if I haven't I should have... slackeredness claims me quite often...
(click to enlarge)


Yeah, this is another one for Alden's baby book... still playing catch up...

Protein, face it, it is not gooey...

So, we, meaning Micah and myself, are in a new state of fitness and nutrition. It has not been bad until...

We decided to try these "Protein Meal Replacement Bars."

Now, right there, with a name like that, I should have known. Known what you ask?

Well, let's just make a list shall we???

1. You cannot possibly replace a meal, even a healthy, balanced one, with a bar...

can you stuff smoked turkey on whole wheat in there? No, don't think so. There is also no smokey jack panini or grilled chicken salad hiding in there...

2. Protein advertised as "Delicious"... is really fakealicious.

(** new wordage alert. Just for you Jessi, Vee, Karla, and Ronda! Fakealicious, meaning a fake representation of a delicious food.

Do not confuse this wordage with "fraudilicious". That is referring to things like "A high mileage, energy saving, green SUV!" or "The Miracle Swimsuit, Lose 2 inches just putting it on!"... that is total fraudiliciousness.) Ok, back to the list...

3.When something looks ooey, gooey and chocolately, but has a mere 4 grams of sugar... realize up front, it will not actually TASTE ooey, gooey, or chocolatey! I mean, really, I opened it and thought, okay, this actually looks good. I took one bite and between the flashbacks of my mom's Shaklee phase, and the horrid chalky taste, I was almost laying on the ground howling.. "SUGAR!! Where fore art thou SUGAR???" Ah, yes, so very Shakespearean was my longing for real sweetness.

4. Upon reading the label, know that "Ingredients include alcohol sugar which may cause gastrointestinal cramping and discomfort" is NOT something you should EVER see on a food you are about to ingest. Plus it is true. And we will leave that package unopened my friends.

5.The label touting its ability to"Produces a great anabolic reaction! Use immediately after a workout for best results!" makes me think this, this is not a product for me. All I want is to not jiggle in my clothes, I don't want anabolic muscle reactions. It scared me a little, and now coupled with my voice changing, a bulging Adam's apple, and the urge to scratch unseemly places, makes me think this is something for men... men seek anabolic help. I seek liposuction type help. Slap that heading on a bar and I think I'd eat lint.

So, yeah, I think that ends my venture into meal replacement bars.

OK, scrapnewsity:

(click to enlarge)

This is the last mini-mini I made for Memorable Seasons. It a mere 2½ in tall and 4 in. wide.)

It is a little tribute to Jen, and what a good friend she is. I will upload all the pages to my flickr account and you can see them there if you want. (Link is on the side bar)

This one's for you Lo...

So, here I am, realizing what a blog slacker I have been. How insincere is an online apology really? Well, for what its worth, I plan on offering up a laundry list of the reasons why this slacktivity occured. (** yep, new wordage right off the bat. I think I just felt my mojo return... very nice) So, on to the laundry list, cause my real laundry is being sorely ignored at this point, as is Alden... he is in his bouncy seat next to me, chattering away, but still refusing to say Mama. 9 months old and already so disobedient! (just kidding folks) All I ever hear though, is a chorus of Dada Dada dadadadadadadadadadadadadadada... but I'm not bitter about this at all. I know, you can tell. I have tried explaining to him calmly, that any and all demands will be met on a more timely basis if that dimpled, little two tooth grin would be accompanied by a simple "Mama"... and yet, if I was showing a VLOG clip, you too would hear it...

DaDa Dada daadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada.

No, seriously, his love of all things Micah makes me so happy. This morning he was getting the "need my nap whineys" and I held out my arms to him. He looked at me, and looked at Micah, and crawled right over to him. Micah thought I would be heartbroken, but nope... I am happy because

#1 I am not raising any sissy Mama's boys.

#2 Due to the horse's hiney of a relationship I (never) had with my father, this kind of thing thrills my soul.

On to other things before I get all sappy...

My baby is six. No, I have not given birth again and named a child a number. Lincoln turned six last week. Where has the time gone? How did the little bundle I brought home turn into a little boy who catches bugs and makes his own peanut butter sandwiches?

Look at him... here he is. Just 5 days old, and SO tiny...

and now...

Oh, the very essence of jubilant poverty... they rob your heart and you are happy about it.

And one of the fat dog, who has FOUR teeth, a case of poison ivy, and thanks to a really dumb mom, a sunburn. This was at Lincoln's pirate birthday party, so Jen dressed him up a bit. :)

Now, this guy...

my oh my, he keeps me on my toes! Here is the latest Emerson story... and really after reading it you will wonder why I don't just re-name this blog "Tales from My Toilet" or "The Body Functions Blog".

So, I put Em in the shower. Our normal protocol is to get him in, let him get himself wet, come and lather him up, then let him rinse and play. I am not a fan of that pinkish mildew that grows on shower toys, so we only ever have a few, and I throw them out regularly. Currently there was a car, a small Superman, a wood dowel, (yeah, I know, what a redneck toy but they love it!) and then a small plastic butter tub for rinsing purposes.

Well, I put Em in, and come back a few minutes later with the soap and see him putting the Superman figure in the butter tub... He looks at me with an "Uh-oh, I just got busted" kind of look. So I say... "What did you do?"

Now, mothers, here is a trick you need to learn. If you suspect mischief, ask this question then WATCH and see where they look. They almost always glance at the very thing they are trying to hide. So Em glances at the butter tub... I look at it, and realize, that water that Superman and the car are floating in looks awfully yellow. So I go to pick it up, and just as I finish saying "Did you pee in here?" My hand sends the signal to my brain that this yellow water, it is nice and hot too... as in, fresh from a little 98.6 degree bladder.

"EEEEWWWW! Emerson, did you pee in here?"

Um, yeah Ma, I do'd that. I peed in there."

"Why?"

"Superman likes it."

So there you have it, Superheros run on pee power. The secret is out.

Now, what I want to know is... how can a kid get pee all over the bathroom floor, but manage to fill a butter container to the brim while in a shower???

And yes, Superman, the car, the container and even the dowel went in the trash. Why the dowel? you ask. Well, I can pretty much guarantee that if Em peed in that butter container he stirred it up too...

And that is all for this one folks, I'll try not be such a stranger.