water water everywhere... um... no, not really.

So, I know I am almost always blogging about some crazy happening at the casa de fingerprint here, but occasionally, I like to drag out the proverbial soap box. Here is one such post. If you do not care about orphans, clean water, or amass-too-much-itis... you may want to stop reading now.

Ok, if you stopped there, I hope you get camel hair for Christmas. Camel hair with fleas.


To all the nice people who are still here reading, hang on... I tend to err on the side of, well, MEAN when I am worked up about an issue.
I was typing up a long post about why and how this issue has become near and dear to my heart. Now I think I am just going to hit the backspace and erase what is below and be blunt, bold, and to the point.

**You and I have too much crap.

**Some people have NOTHING.

**Clean water is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

**You do not need more crap this year for Christmas, neither do your kids.

**If you feel the need to buy, at least buy smart.

Ok, now a little explaining...
about our overcrappage. (yes, new wordage there) I am not trying to say no one should ever buy anything. I am not trying to say if you have a collection of antique gum wrappers or some such kitschy thing, you are a bad person. I am just saying... what if you stopped, just for a minute to ask... Do I really need MORE??? Believe me, this is hitting me right between the eyes too. I have so much crap it is organized in labeled bins. (Crap I think I need. Crap I might need. Crap I may someday use. Crap I have never used but paid too much for to get rid of.)

About some people with nothing...
When I say this, I am not talking about a child sent to school without breakfast. Though I think that is sad, and needs to be fixed as well, I am talking... N O T H I N G. Read this book...

You will start, in small ways to see what nothing looks and feels like. I dare say, you will never utter the words, "I am starving" again without remorse. You may also start to reconsider the idea of adoption. It is doable, I have a friend who prayed her dream to reality... (yes jena, that's you!)

About clean water...
Did you know 4,500 children will die today from water related diseases.

In Africa, 2 in 5 children will die before they reach the age of 5.

Unsafe water and lack of basic sanitation causes 80% of all disease related deaths. It kills more people every year than all forms of violence, including war.

Did you further realize that for a mere $230 you can help buy a filteration system that will provide a clean and safe 50,000 gallons of water? (replacement filters are $30.)

Think about that next time you pay $2.00 for that sweet tea or soda at a restaurant. Seriously... if you gave up that ONE luxury, and yes I am calling sweet tea a luxury, how much would you save in one year??? Ouch ouch ouch... are your toes hurting yet? Mine are. Alot.

About Christmas...
I am not Scrooge. I will buy my kids a few Christmas presents. A few is literal. There will be a toy or two. A book, perhaps. A movie, and a cheap wii game, probably. I know my kids want nerf guns, they run about $20 or so. And here is the thing, if I give them that, and then spend at least one hour playing nerf gun battle with them on Christmas morning, guess what? THEY WILL NOT WORRY ABOUT PRESENTS THEY DID NOT GET! This is where it costs me a little something... my kids are usually so busy playing with the too many toys we didn't mean to even buy, that I sit and leisurely drink my coffee whilst they play. This year, I will put that coffee down and actually, oh I don't know... ENGAGE my kids. It is what they really want anyway, and you know it is true. LESS IS MORE!!!

Looky here... It is what put me over the edge in my plight to make our holiday more meaningful. I mean, I dare say, it is CHRISTmas, and nothing about me charging $300 worth of toys says I am so glad Jesus was born. Ouch, there go those toes again. (especially when you consider applying that principle to daily life and purchases.)








I know there are still some people you want and need to buy gifts for, so how about making those gifts that count?

Look here:
http://www.apronsforafrica.com/

here:
http://saintscoffee.com/index.html

here:
http://www.ssekodesigns.com/

Now, I must give credit to my dear, dear, dear friend Jena, and her husband Keith. I love them. They are a driving force behind bringing these issues to my heart and mind, and are doing so within our church and community. I stole all these sites, and the video from her blog. Golly, I guess that makes me a lazy soap boxer... for shame, I know.


I am not trying to say you should not enjoy Christmas, or give gifts. I just want myself, and others to think... This concept does not come easily to me, but my faith compels me to change. At the end of my life, do I want someone to say, "She sure drank alot of sweet teas and had the nicest collection of crap... good crap too..."

Um... No.

Halloween Thoughts

Say what you will about Halloween.

Choose to celebrate or not.

Carve a pumpkin, or don't.

I really don't care, I just know that I am fond of a Holiday that gives me as a mom of boys a chance to

A) play dress up with them

B) take copious amounts of photos

C) steal candy out of aforementioned children's plastic pumpkin totes.

In reality, A is not as fun when it involves skulls and swords. I admit it, pink feathers and high heels are more fun to play dress up with. BUT, laugh all you want now, moms of girls. When all our kids are in the teenage years, I will be sporting some new delicious shoes with all the money I save not buying tampons.

B is kind of a lie too. I take loads of photos all the time, its just that once my children are in skull clad, sword bearing costumes, they are more willing to pose.

C? C is 100% total fact. Just yesterday I stole a mini milky way from Emerson's pumpkin, and then, to be fair, one from Lincoln's. I am not a big chocolate fan though, so I am sad that the skittles are gone. Keep your stinking milky ways I say! Why can't people pass out salt n vinegar chips???

So, anyway. Halloween. It was October 31st this year.

We went trick or treating with my friend Sarah and her young lad, Isaac. Poor Alden had to stay home with Daddy... fever struck and it was raining. :(

We braved the rain, and hit up a church down the road from Sarah's house for their indoor trunk or treat. As we hopped in the car Sarah and I decided it was best to remove the bumper magnet with OUR church's name on it. It would be akin to wearing your Burger King uniform at a McDonald's, or seeing a registered nurse at the CVS minute clinic... so remove it we did.

That was fun, the boys were thrilled with the free cotton candy and hot dogs.

The rain abated and we did indeed head out into Sarah's neighborhood. Now you will hear why we are too redneck to ever live in an actual neighborhood. It is the first house we go to, Sarah's neighbors - who are very into things like pressure washing the house, cleaning out gutters, and general over maintenance of their lawn- Emerson rings the bell and belts out that lovely Halloween chant of old... "trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear." The sheer joy he got from saying the word "underwear" in public was immeasurable. The neighbor did not find it as funny, and I hung in the back hoping he would think it was some older child of Sarah's that she had been hiding in the basement.

Trick or Treating went well, but here are some observations:

1. If you are over the age of say, 11. Just go take your dang allowance money and buy a bag of candy.

2. If you are wearing a football jersey, you cannot just say, "Oh, I am dressed up as a football player" and request candy from strangers. There is such a thing as Halloween costume pride, and I think at least 15 minutes should be spent in costume prep for it to be a legitimate costume.

3. If you are a female, over the age of, well... ok, ANY age... You should NOT, I repeat, NOT wear anything that involves fishnet stockings, silk attire, gaudy lipstick and large jewelry... you can call yourself whatever you want, you look like you are dressed as a hooker. Yes, I said it... You may think you are Hannah Montana. You are not. You are a cast member from Girls Next Door.

4. Under no circumstance should a girl of 14, dressed in above mentioned attire, and her FATHER dressed in normal clothes still be trick or treating at 9pm. It is especially freakish if aforementioned father, he comes to the door with a cute little patchwork quilted bag asking for candy too. I have never chucked a pack of smarties so fast in my life.

5. If it were my house, and it was not, it was Sarah's, I really would consider slamming the door in the face of snotty little children who ring the bell and then stand there. Looking at you. Not even saying trick or treat. Just looking, as if to say... You know the drill. I admit it, I gave those kids the gobstoppers. Sweet confectionery revenge...

So, all in all Halloween was good. Wet, but good. Here are some pics...

I may even try and blog again tomorrow, although, now that I said that I won't. Probably. Maybe. We'll see...

Ten on Tuesday

Yes, it is a little list of Ten things... just some randomness, and since I do love alliteration, it has been dubbed



"Ten on Tuesday"



1. After reading some of the comments and e-mails from my last post I realize... there are alot more dookey-handling moms out there in the trenches. They apparently, choose NOT to vent about it via the Internet. I wonder if these other moms would want in on a group discount on t-shirts.... I can see the imaging now...



2. Overheard in our car...

Lincoln: Mom, I know why Hadji peed in his pants.

Mom: (giving the stink eye whilst saying this) Lincoln, you do not need to keep bringing that up. We have talked to Hadji, we are the parents, stop talking about it.

Insert silence here... until...

Hadji: (looking out the window) I know why, its cause I just don't care.

That statement was said so matter of factly, I almost peed MY pants!



3. I admit it... I checked out and read in one day, "Stargirl" by Jerry Spinelli. It was in the "young adult" section, so I felt a little like I was buying a training bra. It was a good reminder of how stupid high school peer pressure can be, and really, how some adults never seem to stop acting like they are in fact, still in high school.



4. I puked so violently last week I really thought my eyeballs were going to pop out. It was migraine induced pukage, and poor Micah... I was slumped over the potty like a middle schooler who found the keys to liquor cabinet... not a pretty sight.



5. I almost cried when Alden lept into Lincoln's arms this morning and hugged him and said. "I wove you! I wove you!"



6. I did in fact shed tears over last night's Biggest Loser. When Jillian tears up, what can you expect from a normal (ok, semi normal) human!?!?!



7. I just realized today is Wednesday, not Tuesday. That really messes up the whole "Ten on Tuesday" alliteration thing...



8. I often wonder why, why do we as people insist on trying to pry open windows when God has closed a door? Maybe He should paint them shut.



9. If someone does not stop buying all the peppermint mocha creamer up, I am going to be grumpy... ok, grumpier.



10. overheard again at our house this week:

(This is after I have graciously told my children we were done rotting their brains with the TV and the Wii, and some legos, or book reading would ensue.)

Lincoln: Mom let's read Captain Underpants

Emerson: (looks at me, then leaning over, cups his hand over his mouth and thinks he is whispering to Lincoln): No Wincon I don't fink mom gets that book. She is a girl.

Clearly my children fail to realize that as the youngest of four girls, I was almost like the family pet, and tom-boy would be putting it mildly... I have LIVED potty humor! So ha!

Lucille Ball... with turds.

Yes, it is true. As duly noted on my stupid Facebook status last week, my life... well Saturday it could be summed up like this...

"My life is like an episode of I Love Lucy... with turds."

That statement is not only appropriate, but true. Micah was gone last week Friday and Saturday. We were picking him up at the airport Saturday night, and juggling coinciding birthday parties and such on Saturday along with plans we had for Friday, and lots of other things, like feeding these small children that ramble around here calling me "mom".
I was feeling pretty good about how my singlemomedness was going too. Birthday presents were already wrapped and ready to go, I made plans for Lincoln to be with my in-laws, and had a game plan for the the other two. Well, all that pride came to a screeching halt when Thursday night at 730pm, I opened the door to our basement and was immediately blasted by sauna like hot, wet air. This, this is not good. ( I know, I should have my own home improvement show with those keen problem sensing skills...)
I go down for a little looksee... the hot water tank has water pouring from it, onto the floor, which is thankfully being sump-pumped out of the basement. However, the hot water at the casa de fingerprint it is very hot. Very very hot. I mean, so hot that you can literally make hot chocolate right from the tap. (this is the voice of a lazy mama talking here, trust me, it makes the perfect cup.) Hence, the water made lots of humidity and wetness everywhere. So, after turning off the hot water, and getting a plumber lined up to come fix it the next day, that fun time is resolved.

I am still on my A game with single mommyhood. I can handle this. What I cannot handle is a cold shower. So, when the plumber finished at 4:35 pm, I realized I was not going to make my 5pm drop off at the inlaws. It is ok, I can make it there by 6pm, including drive time. I jumped in the now warm shower, and prayed that new tank was working its little $725 heart out.

Well, I made it to the inlaws at 6:15, and to my friends house by 6:55pm. As I walked in, and saw people look at me a little funny, I realized... I got out of the shower, threw some gel in my hair and just ran my fingers through it. I was a hot mess of red curls. Thank you Lord for hair clips and baseball caps with bling! My friend was a real gem too, she had dinner waiting for me, and fed Alden so I could eat her yummy meal. Single mommies need a hand and I was not stupid enough to say no.

Fast Forward to Saturday. I have Emerson and Alden playing, fed, etc. I decide it is time for Alden to take a bath, and get him all ready. Be forewarned... turdage talk is coming...

Alden is in the tub playing. He starts to call me and says something like "Mama, pootub tubbypoo igo igo. potty... potty... pootubpottytub." This is roughly translated, "Dear Mom, I just laid three cute little turds in the tub with me and if you don't get in here soon, I will, I repeat, I will pick them up."
So I hurry in the bathroom, and see that, yes indeed... in addition to the cute primary colored bath toys I have lovingly purchased for bathing children's entertainment, there are three little brown "submarines" now charting the waters.
DISGUSTING, that is all there is to it. I stand Alden up, grab the few toys that were in the water and promptly chuck them in the trash. Yeah, I said, it... I threw them out. No amount of bleach water can make them whole again folks. I go to drain the water and as I do I realize... there are two very real danger potentials occurring simultaneously.

Danger #1 A Brownie is now making water draining a slow process as it hovers over the drain holes.

Danger #2 Alden is trying to pick back up his own Brownie Fleet.

"ACK" I scream! I grab some toilet paper and without thinking, reach in to keep my little Alden from touching his own dookey. Any mother would do this, however, a smart mother would have thought to grab some other form of paper product... preferably not one designed to oh, I don't know... DISINTEGRATE IN WATER! Oh yes, you have the correct picture in your mind. I am now left clutching a little Alden dookey in my hands whilst the toilet paper just falls apart, leaving nothing between my skin, and said dookey. The gagging that came from within is something only a fellow dookey grabber can ever fully understand.
So... we get the dookey cleaned out of the tub. I stand Alden on the side, disinfect the tub, and turn on the shower. Yes, he will be showering now, because no matter that I disinfected the tub, I cannot let him sit in it again. As we begin showering him, I decide to flush all that mess that I lovingly took out of the tub and threw in the toilet.

I flush it and of course... you know what happened don't you. Come on... say it out loud with me...

The toilet overflowed.

I was beyond thrilled to see those turds yet again. I run and grab the plunger, and try, and try, and try... yet still manage to get nasty water on me and my pajamas. Oh,and the toilet? Its still overflowing... I swear I think I heard it snicker at me. Alden found all of this commotion, and YES that is an intended pun, quite hilarious.
I finally got the toilet under control, wash my hands, then go about washing Alden. Now I am a firm believer in proper booty cleaning. So, I lather up my hands, and realize, oh, no wash cloth... ok, I am a real mom, I just stick my hand back there in that cute little booty crack. I am his mama, he is two, I am still allowed to clean his booty crack with my bare hands...

It is not until my hand is in full booty crackage that I realize... that cute booty crack, it has never been properly cleaned up from the previous submarine launch...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH



I think Lucy would have called Ethel.
I just bleached my hands along with the tub and called it a day.
Sometimes, you just have to admit defeat, have a glass of wine, and call it a day...

A week in my life...

Oh how did I let this happen? I let Beth talk me into joining her, Nicole, Chrissy and some of our other blogging friends on a scrapbooking project called, "A Week in the Life". The whole idea is that you take lots of pictures of your day all week long, then make some lovely scrappy creation about it.

Here is last year's Monday...


Where you may ask are Tuesday, Wednesday, and the other days of the week...

Well, lest you think I do not realize there are seven of them, I will simply come clean. That is where my week ended last year. Seriously, I could not get it together enough to finish the days in proper scrapbeautification. So sad...

Even sadder still, is the fact that I have the unfinished pages sitting in a little to-do pile here in my office as if I am actually going to finish them. Sorry Week in October 2008... you lose.

However, I have been a good girl and clicking away this week. Today though, today I missed quite possibly what would have been the best photo of the week.

A cute picture of your children you ask? No... though they are cute.

A photo of a glorious homemade apple pie? asks the ever inquisitive blogger. Negativ-o, I say.

More Delicious Shoes... you wonder? Nope, no shoe shopping this week for me.

What then, screams your face as you read this, what ever would have been the best picture of the week???

Well, I will tell you...

Today as I sat outside reading whilst the boys played. (ropes, a wagon, and d-rings, it is a miracle there was no ambulance involved.) I heard this noise. It was something coming down the road. Now, out here in the country where I live, I am quite familiar with the possible noises of vehicles and whatnot coming down the road. They are as follows...

**the slow moving tractor driven by a man of oh, about 903 years of age.

**the fast moving tractor, driven by a much younger man who cuts the grass on the roadside for all of us.

**the loud bass of the teenage wanna-be's stereo. (if the large spoiler on the back of his Cavalier could make noise too, wow...)

**the screeching breaks of the snotty luxury car driving mama who was too busy yakking it up on her cell phone to obey the 35MPH signs, as she enters the almost complete circle of a curve right down the road.

**the motorcycles who actually speed up for aforementioned curve.

**There are also assorted school bus, tractor-trailer, chicken and cow sounds as well.

BUT today, today I heard this very odd noise... it was almost like a really loud blender, or an AC window unit in screech mode. Think, straining mechanics here folks. I look up and see...

A 40 something man in jeans, on a bike with what looks like it has a weed-eater mounted on the actual bike. It is propelling the bike, literally. It has to be the most odd looking contraption I have ever seen. So much so, that I stood there, speechless. Now, since that rarely happens my children of course wondered what was wrong with me, as I tried to explain what I had just seen.

We went back to playing. About a half hour later... I hear something, I listen... is it? could it be? I leap up, "Lincoln, I think it is the crazy bike again!" I run in and grab my little camera, but by the time I get outside, it is too late, he is already speeding by... Lincoln says, "Aw, too bad mom, that would have been a great picture."

Yes son, it would have indeed.

The best part... when Micah got home and I was telling him about our day. I ended with my "guess what we saw" edition. He says, "I have heard of bikes being equipped with motors before." As if this is not some weird sighting...

"Really?" I say. "Well, do the motors look like weed eaters and have duct tape holding them to the bike frame?"

I think that was when he realized, this was not some tree hugger saving the world one commuter at a time...

It gives new meaning to the term "going green"...

Here are some of this week's favorite photos despite the missed shot of the year: