Friday, November 13, 2009

Halloween Thoughts

Say what you will about Halloween.
Choose to celebrate or not.
Carve a pumpkin, or don't.
I really don't care, I just know that I am fond of a Holiday that gives me as a mom of boys a chance to

A) play dress up with them

B) take copious amounts of photos

C) steal candy out of aforementioned children's plastic pumpkin totes.

In reality, A is not as fun when it involves skulls and swords. I admit it, pink feathers and high heels are more fun to play dress up with. BUT, laugh all you want now, moms of girls. When all our kids are in the teenage years, I will be sporting some new delicious shoes with all the money I save not buying tampons.

B is kind of a lie too. I take loads of photos all the time, its just that once my children are in skull clad, sword bearing costumes, they are more willing to pose.

C? C is 100% total fact. Just yesterday I stole a mini milky way from Emerson's pumpkin, and then, to be fair, one from Lincoln's. I am not a big chocolate fan though, so I am sad that the skittles are gone. Keep your stinking milky ways I say! Why can't people pass out salt n vinegar chips???

So, anyway. Halloween. It was October 31st this year.
We went trick or treating with my friend Sarah and her young lad, Isaac. Poor Alden had to stay home with Daddy... fever struck and it was raining. :(

We braved the rain, and hit up a church down the road from Sarah's house for their indoor trunk or treat. As we hopped in the car Sarah and I decided it was best to remove the bumper magnet with OUR church's name on it. It would be akin to wearing your Burger King uniform at a McDonald's, or seeing a registered nurse at the CVS minute clinic... so remove it we did.
That was fun, the boys were thrilled with the free cotton candy and hot dogs.

The rain abated and we did indeed head out into Sarah's neighborhood. Now you will hear why we are too redneck to ever live in an actual neighborhood. It is the first house we go to, Sarah's neighbors - who are very into things like pressure washing the house, cleaning out gutters, and general over maintenance of their lawn- Emerson rings the bell and belts out that lovely Halloween chant of old... "trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear." The sheer joy he got from saying the word "underwear" in public was immeasurable. The neighbor did not find it as funny, and I hung in the back hoping he would think it was some older child of Sarah's that she had been hiding in the basement.

Trick or Treating went well, but here are some observations:

1. If you are over the age of say, 11. Just go take your dang allowance money and buy a bag of candy.

2. If you are wearing a football jersey, you cannot just say, "Oh, I am dressed up as a football player" and request candy from strangers. There is such a thing as Halloween costume pride, and I think at least 15 minutes should be spent in costume prep for it to be a legitimate costume.

3. If you are a female, over the age of, well... ok, ANY age... You should NOT, I repeat, NOT wear anything that involves fishnet stockings, silk attire, gaudy lipstick and large jewelry... you can call yourself whatever you want, you look like you are dressed as a hooker. Yes, I said it... You may think you are Hannah Montana. You are not. You are a cast member from Girls Next Door.

4. Under no circumstance should a girl of 14, dressed in above mentioned attire, and her FATHER dressed in normal clothes still be trick or treating at 9pm. It is especially freakish if aforementioned father, he comes to the door with a cute little patchwork quilted bag asking for candy too. I have never chucked a pack of smarties so fast in my life.

5. If it were my house, and it was not, it was Sarah's, I really would consider slamming the door in the face of snotty little children who ring the bell and then stand there. Looking at you. Not even saying trick or treat. Just looking, as if to say... You know the drill. I admit it, I gave those kids the gobstoppers. Sweet confectionery revenge...

So, all in all Halloween was good. Wet, but good. Here are some pics...
I may even try and blog again tomorrow, although, now that I said that I won't. Probably. Maybe. We'll see...


  1. It rained here too ... much to Matt's delight because far less kids rang our doorbell( and I had an extra box of candy for him to eat). One kid actually opened my door because I wasn't fast enough to get there first (the odacity!) Have a great day Jude!

  2. Yep, we saw our fair share of prosti-tots. And Sean was all about the football jersey wearing teens not doing Halloween justice.

    And yeah, the kids have NO idea how much candy big mama has consumed. HA! Now I know why our parents always raked through looking for "razorblades."


  3. Oh girl, I am so with you. I have so many kids that come to the door and don't say Trick or Treat. Where's the fun in that. That said, however, I truly look forward to the day when I can parade around the neighborhood with my Granddaughter (and no she will not wear anything resembling a hooker. Grandma does have exquisite taste if nothing else), and I will NOT hold out a quilted bag for Candy...I will simply steal the candy from my aforesaid Granddaughter's bag....just like a mom...Love the post and thanks so much for your sweet comment about my beautiful girl. I am truly in love with her. (Seriously, Im looking already at Honda 50's and I found a place where you can buy the pink and black fenders and tank and such. ) Nothing too good for my girl...heeheehee

    We should possibly set up a meet in the year say, oh 2029 for Marley And Alden. I think there is a perfect age spread between them. And I would love for Marley to know a kid that's been raised by a wonderful mom. Oh....we could do the Halloween thing then too. OK now I'm just making myself laugh. HEEHEEHEE

  4. thankfully no rain here but i wasn't feeling so hot....
    and girl..i cannot stop laughing at this post..... crack me up

  5. I completely agree! We will be wearing the CUTEST shoes while all our friends are spending their money on expensive clothes, tampons and makeup on their girls! we will just get to sit back and smile.

    I passed out candy (unwillingly) to a testosterone filled teen boy, who wore his sport uniform. I told him his costume was lame and he said "would you like for me to strip tease instead?" really? Really? He was accompanied by a slew of teenage girls ....

  6. Ah.. Jude.... I love you and your words.