Monday, January 30, 2012


Apparently I have supremely failed at one area of parenting, and I thought it best to come clean about it now. I suck at being the tooth fairy. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have forgotten, and seen poor Emerson come downstairs with a baggy containing one slightly bloody tooth, and a look of sheer disappointment.
Oh, I have been able to cover my mistakes before...
The first tooth he lost, when I forgot for the SECOND night in a row, I thought quick on my feet, and said, "Are you sure you looked good? Maybe the money got lost under all those dogs you sleep with!" Sure enough after a carefully planted dollar bill, and telling him he probably got to keep the tooth as a bonus for having to wait, he was all good. There have been similar incidents since, including one where Em lost two teeth in one week. I remembered the first one, but forgot the second. I told him I was pretty sure the Tooth Fairy would never think a kid would lose TWO teeth in one week, and to try again the next night. Yep. Mother of the Year right here baby.

Well, this week... the magic ran out.  He lost a tooth Friday at school. He waited to put it under his pillow until Saturday night, and yep... you guessed it. The Worst Tooth Fairy EVER forgot. Again. So... he dutifully put it under again last night. I am guessing he just thinks the Tooth Fairy is one supreme slacker. So, at roughly 545am, I leapt from the bed and said, "Oh crap! Tooth Fairy!"
I grabbed a dollar and sneaked upstairs, made the exchange and snuggled back into my warm bed beside my Micah. I patted myself on the back for my ability to salvage another forgotten tooth, and the possible scarring effects it would have on my middle child. (in case you are wondering, Lincoln never for a moment believed in the tooth fairy. He thumbed that first-tooth-money and said, "Dad, are you the tooth fairy? Tell me the truth!" It was a fun 12 hours in the world of make believe...)

Enter Emerson, this morning, all wrapped up in a blanket, and peeking around the corner at me.
Me: Did the Tooth Fairy leave come last night?
Em: No YOU did.
Me: Huh? I, I...
Em: I saw your hand Mom.
Me: What do you mean?

He then went on to explain that he he knew it was me, because a friend had recently told him that he found out the tooth fairy was his own mom. I thought I was off the hook, since it was not technically my fault, until he said, "I knew that was at his house, but I thought at our house the real one still came. Until I saw your hand." Dangit.
So I asked him if he was sad about it, and as only Emerson can do he proclaimed, "Well, you lied to me this whole time..."  Nice. Well played Em. Parent guilt level through the roof. I am pretty sure he will get a nice first car based on this situation alone.
Hopefully by the time Alden loses any teeth The Worst Tooth Fairy EVER will get her act together and not scar her child permanently.


  1. First let me say that you are not the worst tooth fairy. I'm pretty sure I hold that title!
    Seriously, it read like you lived in my house and you were telling my story.
    I think the tooth fairy quite possibly is the worst job of parenthood. Sneaking into their rooms in the middle of the night and putting your hand under their pillow?? Finding a tiny tooth in the dark?? With all that, NOT waking them up?? Who invented this??
    I'm so horrible that i make Jake put his in a baggie on the floor next to his bedroom door so I can slyly slide my hand under it and grab it.
    He STILL heard me last time. And it was 2am!

  2. Ha! I've been there and done that. :)

  3. You're not the worst tooth fairy ever. You just joined the crowd of "normal" parents. ;)

  4. Oh i wish I could tell you how many times the TF has forgotten Ashlyn!

  5. Sometimes the tooth fairy leaves the money by the toothbrush! :) (when our slacker tooth fairy forgets)