Friday, December 12, 2008

Hold your Breath...

I have been informed that I have not updated this blog enough lately... sorry. You can blame the three small children who walk behind me at all times saying Mom, mommy and mamamamamamama... Sadly I think Alden now calls milk "Mama". I feel cheated at being replaced by a beverage, but oh well...

So, many who know me, know that, I am not a big fan of the mall. I loathe the crime laden parking lot, the crowds, the teens who look like call girls. Seriously, the last time I went I thought, wow, the hookers must be using the mall for a pick up spot now. Then, said hookers hopped on their middle school field trip bus. Oh, my mistake.

Anyhoo... Me, the mall, not a love relationship. Alas, one Friday, we were there. It was approximately 3:30 in the afternoon, and the crowds were insane. Clearly, the mall was not a spot where reporters would be yapping about the recession. After getting a watch fixabroked... yeah, that is a new word. It is when you take a very lovely, expensive watch to have the battery replaced, the woman takes it in the back to do so, and you hear "POUND POUND POUND" echoing loudly through the store. She returns, your battery, not in, and says, "Did you know your crystal was broken?"

Seriously? Do I look this dumb? I looked and her, and without any hint of humor said, "No, no it was NOT broken when I came in here."

She never said another word, she just packed it up to send it off for fixing. I could not believe she tried to blame me after hearing her pounding the crap out of it in the back. I remained pleasant because A) I want my watch back and B)There was clearly no manager around to complain to anyway. That is the reason for the new word, fixabroked.

Now, onto the real reason for this post:
Holding your breath.
We make our next stop in the mall of doom, Micah goes inside and I am left in the front of the store with Alden, who is in his stroller. I spoke to a young dad in there, also with a baby in a stroller.
Well, after a couple minutes of parental back and forth small talk... "How old is he?", "Look at that hair!", "He is so cute", his wife appears and he heads into the back to look around. She and I begin the chatter only, now... now the chatter is not so good.
"Aw," I say, "your little guy looks sleepy!"
She says...
"Yeah, is sick. He has a little pneumonia." (Um, mental note, little and pneumonia, not really two words I put together.)
"Really?" I say.
"Yeah," she coughs. More coughing, then, "He got it from me, I have been sick for like two, (cough, hack, cough) weeks. It turns out I have a contagious type of pneumonia." (cough, cough, cough.)
WHAT???????????
You just told me you have contagious pneumonia, gave it to your baby, and coming to the MALL seemed like a good idea? REALLY????????????
I think it was then, that I took the first big breath... and held it. She kept talking and I kept taking little tiny steps backward, turning Alden ever so slightly away.
Thankfully, Micah came out and paid and we left the pneumonia family behind. As we go to get on the elevator, I tell Micah about the potential germ exposure... Over his shoulder, at the same moment we hear the ding of the elevator, they appear...
to join us.
in the elevator.
the very small elevator
where we will be trapped
and forced to breath the same pneumonia infested air.

"Haha, we are really not following y'all," jokes the husband.
Yeah, you aren't but your PNEUMONIA germs are!!!!!!!
I took one more big breath before boarding and was only able to communicate via a grin, a thumbs up or a nod. I was not letting that breath out for anything. We finally get off the germ express, and I fall out, gasping for fresh air... they are still behind us, and all I can hear is ...
cough
hack
cough
hack

Finally the pneumonia family made their way down a different hall.
As we walked to the car, I told Micah I felt my lungs were filling up with fluid.
He looked at me, scowled, and said, "Jude, you cannot catch and develop pneumonia in five minutes."
Ok, whatever...
The moral of the story is the mall is no place for me or anyone not capable of taking large breaths for long amounts of time.

Here are some pages from December Daily Album... click to enlarge. I have more days done, but I am too lazy to get them scanned at this point in time. :)
The cover:


Day one:
Day 2:
Day 1&2, this is how they look layered:
Day 3:
Day4:
Day 5:
Day 6:
Day 7:

10 comments:

  1. ok both of those stories are just insane! Seriously? Pneumonia?
    I have no words.
    I've had pneumonia before and it's about the sickest I've ever felt. What the heck are people thinking?
    I really hate the mall too. We have a really small town mall that's not really a mall but is sort of a mall. It's horrible. I think the small town-edness makes the hooker factor much worse for some reason! ha ha!
    Have a good weekend Jude!

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  2. Man logic! You totally CAN catch and develop pneumonia in 5 minutes, I'm sure of it. I'll double check with the health care professional when he gets home. Then again, he's a man and will probably try to use the same man logic as Micah. :)


    The mall and I aren't great friends either. The crowds, the entire groups that spread alllllllllllll the way across the aisles, walk slowly, but refuse to scootch over to let you pass...oh the joy! The germ infested little play areas that always make us germ conscious mom's out to be satan by refusing to let our kids in to play...all good. Or how 'bout the pretzel shop w/the rude employees that want to haggle with you about the 50 cent off coupon? Gotta love the mall.

    Sorry to be so chatty. It's just that you only post about once a month, I have to get all my pent up comments out!! ;)

    Hoping you guys really didn't catch any of that woman's germs!

    :)

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  3. i have no words other than are people really that stupid?

    love your pages and can't wait to see it finished

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  4. I bet you were there when the middle and high school all county bands were having lunch at the food court. Was it the 'snow' day?

    Glad you posted... you always make me smile!

    And about the germs... we almost aren't even going to church anymore. As soon as I go anywhere with the new chocolate chips there is snot, hacking and just pure ickiness. Yuck!

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  5. WHAT IDIOT GOES TO THE MALL (DURING THE HOLIDAYS NO LESS) WHEN YOU HAVE CONTAGIOUS DISEASE! WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT! I'm outraged for you! Although I L-O-V-E the mall, as long as I'm without the little ones tagging along with their screaming vocals.

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  6. That mall story is so funny...you have me rolling in the floor laughing! I think that has happened to me before...lol! Hope you have a Merry Christmas with no pneumonia...lol!!!

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  7. that story has me cracking up!
    i can just imagine your reaction when you realized they were getting in the elevator with you :)
    love the pages too btw....finally ordered some photos for mine!

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  8. what an idiot...I would have been peeved at that damn family and I doubt I could have held my tongue either!!!!

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  9. ugh. i'm with you on the mall - no thanks. we have stopped leaving the littles in the church nursery. i could continue...but really, it wouldn't be kind. ;)

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  10. Those people with pneumonia have obviously mailed their brains off somewhere....oh my goodness...
    Hoping that you are not sick :)

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