The Monster Inside...

Have any of you seen that show? It is on some science channel we receive with our satellite of cruddy channels package. It is literally called "Monster Inside" and they tell stories about people who have disgusting parasites living in them... I think we as a swine-flu fearing, plastic PBA chemical freaking out, and hand sanitizer obsessed nation, do not really need this show. Not.At.All.

But, already, I digress, because of the title.

I have a monster inside me. Not the parasite type, no. This monster, it is my love of shoes and hats and accessories. It is my sisters fault. Do you remember the last post? I tried on those wonderful, now duly named, "Delicious Shoes". I decided they were too much for a SAHM like me. I would not wear them enough, they were too pricey, etc. I have a little list of excuses I use to talk myself out of these very purchases.

But remember, my sister, whom I should note has no fear of her monster inside, she bought them for me! What was I to do??? But then it all started... There were the hats... I put away any thoughts of actually paying the $20 for the Calvin Klein hat I fell in love with. I felt rewarded though when I snagged an equally cool hat, on sale at the Gap for a mere $10. That was when it hit me...
I had awakened a long dead evil that lurks inside me. It is lover of shoes, hats, purses, and jewelery... If you know me you are going, "Wait a minute, this girl wears black 99% of the time and is the most boring dresser ever." (no one need even mention the tie dye.) Tis true, tis true... it is because I have an illness... overaccessorizeitis. It is fatal to budgets and closet space. Husbands are very fearful of this disease in any form. Symptoms include the browsing of Lucky magazine, extra stroll time in the Target jewelry department, and unembarrassed and audible ooooohing or ahhhing over shoes. There is no cure, and I fear my strain is resistant to treatment at this point.

Heaven help me, it all started with the Delicious Shoes...


And now... the Monster is feeding.

Tuesday it hit the addicts high of all time -

SHOE CLEARANCE!!

I was going to the shoe department to look for some more shoes for Lincoln. Apparently, kids feet keep growing, so they have an excuse for getting new shoes often. Lucky.

I enter the shoe department, Alden chattering away in the stroller... On my way to the kid's department I happened to pass the womens shoes. Hello friends... Oh, how I have missed you!!

I see some ADORABLE animal prints - LOOK AWAY I tell myself!! I see the exact style of boots I have been looking for - NO! Don't do it!! I warn. But then, then my friends, this is where I hit the jackpot. As I breeze by the clearance aisle, I see them... Delicious Shoes!! In the Clearance section??? Can it be? I grab them - THEY ARE MY SIZE!!!!!!!!! This never happens. It is always those people with their stinking dainty size 5 feet that get the best deals. Well, ok, them and the size 11-12 gals. We mid range sizers always get the raw end of the deal in clearance. It is a fact. I put on the shoes... perfect fit. Totally impractical. Priced at $16.99. No, I will not do this thing, not even for that price. Then I hear it...

A wee small voice saying... "Look here. Over here...."

I look, and there with a light shining on them like a beacon, I hear the shoe angels singing...

THESE were waiting for me...

How much you say? Well, originally, $70. For my shoe jonesing little self... $4 !!!!!!!!!!

YES.

FOUR DOLLARS!

one, two, three, four.

F-O-U-R

1,2,3,4

are you getting the idea?

This is where the story gets almost unbelievable...

I found two more pairs of delicious shoes for the same price, and all in my size.

Here is proof, see them.



So, yes, $210 dollars worth of delicious shoes for only $12. My head was spinning with the fake leather delight of it all.

I should also mention that I snagged my boys some shoes too... not as great a deal, but still... shoes are shoes... ;)

Now what would be a post without some scraptivity? Plus, you should know...

Memorable Seasons is having a THINK PINK On-line Crop this Friday and Saturday.

You come.

You scrap.

Jill donates $$$ to breast cancer research.

It is a good thing.

Plus, there will be lots of goodies on sale, and prizes, and other fun things...

If you are not a scrapper, too bad... you are missing out and no one will remember what you did and when you did it. Just Kidding! I however, am off to make a scrapbook page about the delicious shoes and their new friends... but first...

A couple of pages about Hadji's Birthday... :) That boy was beyond thrilled to take his friends to Putt-Putt, and be the birthday boy. He is a great kid, despite all his stubborn ways... and I have NO IDEA where he gets them from... ;)

Mickey, school and all that jazz...

So, where have we been...

well I will tell you.

We have been places.

Lots of places.

Here is proof.

(Thanks to a new cybershot pocketsize camera, I am getting photos of all those places now.

I admit it, I longed to snap photos at girls night out dinners, in the store, or at the playground, but let's be honest, hauling out the mac daddy camera is a bit paparazzi like... and it is ANOTHER bag to carry. I already look like a pack mule between a purse, a diaper bag and whatever item I am currently returning at any given time. (yes, i have become that person. the one who says, "well, I'll just buy this maxi dress and see how I like it at home." Guess what? If you think it makes you look fat in the dressing room, chances are you won't lose 10lbs on the way home and like it anymore when you get there.)

But, I digress... back to the where we have been chatter...

We went to Florida to visit my sister, her husband and her two kids. Another sister and her husband and son were also there. In case you have lost count that is 3 females and 9 males in one home. Team Estrogen was severely outnumbered. The fourth sister, she is wiser and steered clear of all that testosterone.

This is Micah and my nephew, Franklin. Franklin is not always a big fan of cuddle time. Yet, Micah broke out the mac and he was in his lap pretty quick. (I am trying to use that as reason number 4,568 that I too should have a mac laptop.)

This is Alden and my nephew Truman. Poor Truman. Alden loved him. Alot. That means he followed Truman everywhere trying to hug and play with him at every second.

This is my nephew Will and my boys, after building lego men. Aunt Sharon is a tad obsessed with giving my children all the toys their cruel parents won't buy them. Suffice to say, she is a popular gal round here...

This is Alden sleeping. It is just cute. That is all.

We did Disney.

Here is proof.

Here are the boys on some ride, I was scared Emerson would fall out. Lincoln assured me he had things under control. Ok.

Thunder Mountain or Road. I don't know, Thunder something. I was kind of hoping Emerson was too short so I could keep him with me and we could go get ice cream, or some other less puke inducing activity. No such luck, dang healthy growing kids...

This is me and Em in the world's slowest moving line.
We were stuck inside the cattle like turn styles of Thunder Mountain. The false advertisement of a mere 50 minute wait lured us in... we are such suckers. Now, normally, Disney runs like a well oiled machine from the parking lot to the food service. This day however, some teenager, whom I am sure was wearing skinny jeans, was in charge of dispersing the herded masses of sweaty parents and their offspring into the ride. Junior Skinny Pants, he let the fast pass line go without letting any of us commoners through... FOR OVER A HALF HOUR! The situation was finally remedied by a sweet girl. Yes, I am making note of her gender for specific and demeaning purposes. All in all we waited an hour and forty minutes for a ride that lasted less than two minutes. I am questioning my entertainment return on the investment.

We got to swim in my sister's pool.

Here is proof.

Alden decided he wanted to be thrown like his brothers. I was not so sure of about this.

Baby being thrown.

Thrown high.

... over a large concrete pool of water.

Apparently my fears were pointless, he loved it.

We shopped, my sister and I.

Here is proof.

I am fearful though, that I have awakened a sleeping giant... that giant would be my love of shoes and hats. There will be more on this later. For now, all you need know is that these are the Delicious Shoes. I walked into Banana Republic, and placed them on my feet before noting their price or impracticality. That is when my sister swooped in and proved... once the baby of the family, always the baby. "Aren't they delicious??" I said. "Yes, very" she agreed, donning a pair herself. "Let's get them!"

"Nooooo... I am a SAHM, I have very few places to wear them, I, I, I..." I stumbled around, trying to convince myself I did not in fact, want the Delicious Shoes. That is when big sister proclaimed, "We are BOTH getting them!!" and promptly bought them for me.

What was I to do? I could not steal her joy.

But now, the giant, the giant is awake... seriously, I have already typed up a post about this illness I have. A month (or more) will not pass before you hear about it... cross my bangle loving heart...

We sent Hadji off to school.

Here is proof.

There will be more on this topic later too... I believe anytime a child talks about someone named Duke, it needs its now blog post. For now, know this, he loves it. I should be happy, but I admit it, I wanted him to miss me a bit... just a little bit.

So, that is it. Where we have been... and why I have once again, not been posting. There were other things mixed in there too... parties, engagements (not mine! LOL), goal planning, answers to prayer, hurts, and of course... insomnia! (nobody need note that I could have, in fact been posting whilst up in the wee hours of the night, but don't. )

Mamas don't let your babies grow up to wear skinny jeans...

No, I am not kidding.

I am laying down the law, and putting it out here into blogland for all to see...

I will never, yes I am saying NEVER allow my sons to wear skinny jeans.

Now, I can say this because in all likelihood, by the time they are old enough to question the clothes I purchase them, skinny jeans will be so over.

But... for now, they are being purchased by too many young men in America.

I plan on making this the hill I am willing to die on. I think it will work since I plan on being the mom who will be okay with funky hair cuts and colors. I will rock out with my kiddos, providing the lyrics have nothing to do with sex, drugs, or hating your mama. I will let them have dessert first sometimes, and not freak out when it is time for "the talk". (ok, that last one is so not true. I still do not call body parts their correct name, and cannot ever imagine doing so with a straight face. It will surely be a giggle laden talk. ) With all that, I am hoping and praying that the harsh forbidding of skinny jeans will be overlooked.

Why, you may wonder am I taking such a hostile stance against the skinny jean...

Well, here is a list of reasons, in no particular order...

**They are made for girls. Look at Audrey Hepburn... now think, did ANY of her leading men wear the same jeans as her? I think not! "Darling, toss me your jeans, and let's go on a Roman Holiday!" Um, no...

**They make boys look like girls.

**Boys have smaller butts than girls and thus, the skinny jean is just a slap in the face with their metabolic rate superiority.

**They make a boys feet look big and floppy and awkward. Teenage boys are already awkward enough.

**Muffin tops and boys are even scarier than muffin tops and girls.

I have also heard that older men are now embracing the skinny jean... this is disturbing on many levels. First of all, that metabolic superiority, it is over for the older adult male, and second of all... EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW. Not to mention, ladies, really... if you are out with your man and he has to defend you, how tough does he come off looking whilst wearing skinny jeans? I think the force of the punch is directly proportional to the fit of the jean and how manly the derriere looks.

So, I am officially going public with my hatred of the skinny jean.

Who agrees with me? If you love the skinny jean, raise your hand.

(crickets chirping...) yep, no one. I thought so...

Oh, and by the way, I am getting hits on here from Wasilla, Alaska... Sarah Palin, is that you????
heeheehee

**********************************

On to some creativity then...

Well, first some Mommy reflectivity actually...

This boy. He is five now. He will start school soon. You would think that a kid who is so rough and tumble would be all, "school... see ya' mom!" Um... no. Poor Hadji, he and Lincoln were talking about school in the car and he got all teary eyed and choked up and said, "um. I fink, i will not like school. I fink, I will (gulp, and voice cracking) I fink I will miss my mom all day wong." The head is buried in the hands. I was shocked, and again, we have evidence that Hadji is not as tough as he seems.


Memory Blocks... you take a 6x6 picture, cut it up into 2x2 squares and decoupage it on the blocks.I left one side blank to write witty quotes about family and such... it is still blank. You can interpret that however you see fit.

A challenge for Memorable Seasons. I wanted people to scrap without a photo, mine is a grocery list written by Lincoln. I have not moved into the not-embarassed-to-take-a-photo-in-the grocery-store-category yet. Yet...


Seriously, this is Hadji's stuffed dog. This was my first time "babysitting" her... I got lots of instructions. LOTS. We went over food allergies, sleeping schedule, and even behavioral issues... the pay stunk.

My little fat dog is in the matchbox car phase. I am not sure if I can handle all this growing up. Micah knows it is greatly affecting my ability to stay the course on the "we're done having babies" topic.

25 things...

Since I do have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, I should not be using one of its vices here, but I will. A few months ago it was all the rage to make a list of 25 random things. Well, as you well know if you have spent anytime reading this blog, my life is one big random blur... ranluryness is the technical term.

Anyhoo, here it is, 25 Ranluryness thoughts meandering around my mind...

1. Why is the ratio between number of hours slept and volume of children in such direct disproportion?

2. Do seagulls think people really like them? I mean, maybe they think we are waving hello and not shooing. Maybe yelling "*%&#%$* seagulls pooped on my car again!" is a compliment to them. They are thinking "Nice, I hit the target and they are waving again!"

3.If talk is cheap, I am a skinflint of major proportions.

4. Dogs lick their butts, you should never be kissing them. Think about it, if you saw your kid licking their own poop chute, how quickly would be asking junior to pucker up?

5. I think people can be a source of great disappointment and that is what leads to the willingness of folks to look the other way regarding #4.

6. If silence is golden, that would explain my love of silver...


7. I have no push pins for my corkboard in my office, despite the fact that it has been up for months. I was unable to locate cute enough pins, and gave in last week grabbing a box at Target. The purple ones will be thrown away. Haste makes waste you know...


8. I am big fan of "She's Got the Look." It makes anyone over the age of 30 feel hopeful. Not that I, personally, am over the age of 30.


9. If you can drop hints like bricks, some people's feet should really be hurting...


10. I went to the dentist last week and basically, I am going to have a very costly mouth. My mother always said my mouth would get me into trouble, who knew it would be financial woes...


11. I always thought I was a cool mom until I about went into heart palpitations when Lincoln asked me what boobies were. I made it 6 years and 11 months...


12. I want to travel to Germany and have a few brews with my honey whilst looking for my relative's homes... it would be sweet.


13. If they can make a large piece of steel that FLIES through the air, why can't they make the potty on that piece of steel a little bigger, and smell nicer? Would it be a crime to put some spray in there? A pack of clorox wipes? Really???


14. I still can't remember what ISO means, but now I know what it does.

15. It took Lincoln forever to pick out a backpack and lunch box that would "match"... he is his mother's child. Poor kid.


16. I wonder if I should be trusting a bank that cannot remember to send me a debit card with all my financial dealings???


17. I do not understand fish tacos.


18. I think lavender stinks. Maybe that's because it's purple.

19. I had to question the level of stupidity it took to give a camera guided tour a stop in the "Hidden Room" found in the depths of Michael Jackson's closet. A door that was a) sound proof and b) locked from the inside. Clearly, 2 + 2 no longer equals 4. "How cool is that?" quoteth the moron reporter...

20. I am remembering now why this list thing is stupid... it gets really old around #18, and then you are tempted to just throw things out there like "I had rice krispy cereal for dinner last night"... that is clearly not the type of interesting fact the list makers intended to make the cut. Now, if fruity pebbles were involved, maybe...

21. There were three ketchup bottles in my recycling this week. I am sure that is an accomplishment of some sort, other than the proof that a) i have neglected taking the recycling for a bit and b) my chicken must be really awful.

22. I think I could live outside, if it weren't for the bugs. or the heat. or the rain. or snakes. See, I am totally outdoorsy. 100%.

23. I ran into a ginormous bee whilst delivering something to my friend Sarah's porch. If you could have seen the wild body movements, the flailing about, the running... friends, it was not a pretty sight.

24. You know are in trouble when, you heard a monsoon type rainfall in the night, and then your husband asks you the next morning, "Did you close the car windows last night?" DOH!

25. I get a small thrill when I save so much money at the grocery store that the manager has to come over and push a special key. I wonder, who is this loser and how did I become her? I need to get out more...

Nobody Move!!!!!!

No one in this house is allowed to move.
Oh, I am serious.
The laundry is all caught up.
The hampers are empty.
There are no new new clothes permitted for the next 18 hours.

I would write more, but I think I hear the boys running around. I must stop that potentially sweat inducing behavior.
Doh! I think Alden just got dirty outside.
I can hear the washing machine snickering...