Day 11...

We are now at Day 11 of Micah being gone. He is in Swaziland, Africa. I have not blogged about it thus far because, well... who knows who reads this, and would have come to try and steal my ultra-valuable gems and such. HA! In reality, any freak entertaining that thought should know, I pack a loaded 9mm and know how to shoot it. Accurately too, I might add.

No matter though, by the time anyone reads this my Micah will be back, and I will be very glad. I was also glad to have sent him though. Why? Well, it was not just so I could eat cheese puffs and fruity pebbles for dinner. (although that did in fact, occur). I was excited for him to experience the reality of those at the carepoint our church sponsors. We (our church, that is) work with Hopechest, and not only sponsor the kids individually, we will make visits there, help plan out a more permanent kitchen for meal prep, a well, etc.

I knew from the first skype call that God was moving in Micah's heart. He used the words, "gut wrenching" and "amazing" alot. He said the thing that struck him most was seeing these kids, who often get only one meal a day, with these huge smiles, and just so full of happiness. Then you look down and see, tattered clothes, literally thread bare. Barefeet with healing wounds, and on some, scars from burns, or neglected injuries. YET... these children smile.

I thought of my own kids who have cried over missing a toy, or not getting dessert. Then I thought of myself, having a pity party because I can't get my way, or walking to a closet so bloated with like new clothes, and saying, "Well, I have nothing to wear". Talk about SHAME. I am ashamed at how ungrateful I am.

Now, lest you say, this is a knee jerk reaction to extreme poverty, I say WHAT IF?

What If... We didn't complain about our clothes but were thankful to have them? Glad they covered our whole bodies and were hole free and actually clean?
What If... we opened our fridge and looked at the food inside and said, "THANK YOU LORD!" Even if our favorites were not on the shelf?
What If... we stopped thinking about ME ME ME and thought about THEM THEM THEM?

You don't have to go Africa to help people in need. Talk to your aging neighbor who is lonely. Make a meal for the single mom who is going it alone and is too tired to cook after a long day. Give some extra food to a food bank, and eat a little less this week. Talk to that mom who seems to be extra chatty at the park, even if it messes up your afternoon plans.
When I say "you"... I mean ME! I need to do these things. Please make no mistake. I am talking to myself here... I am the moron with so many shoes she can't pick which ones to wear. I am the neighbor who would rather keep to herself than give up my time to listen to an old lady talk about her warts and dentures. I am the girl looking at her watch instead of engaging that mom at the park. I am the glutton who ate until her belly was too full at dinner this week, and threw out leftovers.

I am one who wants to know... What if?
Are you?

Can you please think about it for a moment? And maybe, maybe you are better at this than me and so many others. If so, encourage us as we try to live a better, more GRATEFUL existence. Rebuke me when I whine, chastise me when I waste, challenge me when I plateau, and encourage me when I think I cannot do it.

Oh folks... WHAT IF???

Hello List of Random Facts... my old faithful friend.

***Well, I just popped in here to update my blog and found this post from a few weeks ago, never published! I blame Micah. Now that I am a pastor's wife, I make him edit before I publish. So, if there is anything offensive in this post, blame him, the "rev".) ***


When one realizes they have once AGAIN failed to update their blog, one can always go to the "Random List of Facts and Observations". I like the list. It's convenient, doesn't necessarily need to make sense, and best of all, you can make it as long or as short as you want. So here is a list of one random fact. Just kidding. There will be more than one, and they will most certainly be random, as my brain capacity diminishes every time I am forced to ask "who didn't flush the toilet again?".


1. This weekend was very important. All because of one word. EMPTY is that word, and that one word, and the fact of what it means, have made my life more FULL than I ever thought possible. Empty, full. Thank you Jesus.


2. Last week was also a tad important as a certain chattykathy with red hair who lives in this house had a birthday. It was me! Good guess. I asked Micah for NOTHING since I am saving my pennies for a speedlite. He came home with chinese, wine, and a potted plant. Smart man. Especially after he started the day with a jab at me being old... 9 months, the man is NINE months younger than me and you'd think I picked him up at preschool or something...


3. I am happy to report that my friend, JMac, as mentioned 2 posts ago in reference to Trader Joes, she did in fact take that mammoth "hint" and picked me up all my favorite goodies on her last trip there. I love that girl and her ability to pick up on my subtle ways. Its like she is a mind reader or something...


4. After getting my TJs goodies I discovered... take the sinfully good lemon curd, add in fresh strawberries and a wee bit of fat free cool whip and I call that dinner. (and breakfast and lunch too actually). Also, my friend Kate and I could probably eat a whole jar of it this way, and I truly think, at some point we shall do just that.


5. I tilled my garden today and I really smelled like gasoline. And sweat. And dirt. I must be part farmer because I kind of liked it.


6. I cooked a whole chicken last week, beer can up its little butt style. I did not eat any of said chicken. You want to know why? I took out the beer can, and there were little bits of corn inside the chicken. That's when it hit me... corn is what chickens eat, this is like, chicken poop. I have kids, I know what goes in as corn, comes out as corn. Who the heck is in charge of the corny chicken butt removal department at Perdue anyway? I will likely never cook a whole chicken again because of this incident.


7. I am craving asparagus. With balsamic vinegar and feta. I am now accessing your worth as a person based on how much you are drooling right now. No drool= we will never be close. Little drool= we can meet in the middle. Lots of drool= pull up a chair and have a seat, there is more salt 'n vinegar talk where that came from.


8. I made Micah take pictures with me Saturday. I am finding out, my Micah hates being made to sit in the lawn and take flickr worthy photos. he literally said, "What if the neighbors see us? We will look so weird." Really? The neighbor who just rode a child's mini motorcycle to his front yard to sell? Followed by a golf cart? This is who you are worried about? Whatever..." I said, "park it in the grass and smile pal... "


9. I took pictures of Alden in a little white bodysuit a couple weeks ago. Why??? Well, a) he looked cute b) he was also wearing a tie-dye, and everyone knows, Jude ♥s tie dye, and c) I realized that warm weather was coming and it was probably the last time my last baby would ever wear a little white baby bodysuit. I am not even going to sugar coat the bawling that followed that photo op. (micah remains steadfast in his no more babies stance, I am wavering, ever so slightly, but it takes two to dance that tango so... )


10. I cannot tell a lie. I have watched the first three episodes of Jerseylicious. I am ashamed, but the hair stylist in me cannot look away. I mean, there are almost no words... except for these: Less Makeup. (ps I think the show is really shot on days when that salon is closed too, no one, at least no one sane, would ever let those people actually do their hair.)

The End.
Oh, and thanks to blogspots weirdo photo spacing issuing, no photos. Apologies.

Manly Men...

I was chatting with my hip pal Martha. We were chatting about our husbands and their true manly man ways. It inspired me to let the internet world, and the 8 people who read this blog, know the following...

How to know if you have a manly man: (in no particular order)

1. He has beat someone up. No, I don't mean in a redneck bar brawl. I mean in the name of justice, and defending the right. When we were dating some guy made a less than pure joke about me, and all I know is, his neck was in Micah's hand whilst his body was slightly lifted off the ground and my Micah calmly explained that this, this was not something he should ever say again. I admit it, I swooned at being defended. Manly Man.

2. You know your man is a manly man if he laughs at pain. Pepper spray hurts, alot. I barely got a dusting in my face once and was sucking ice water up my nose and declaring my impending blindness. Micah was sprayed in the face, full on whilst he was a police officer. He laughed, literally, at the pain. Others cussed, cried for their mamas (shudder) or begged to be taken to the ER. Not my Micah. Manly Man.

3. A manly man has at some point, been employed in a job that entails carrying a weapon. Bonus points if he also has a knife hidden somewhere on him as well. Manly Man with a paycheck.

4. You know your man has it if he has ever walked up to a soccer coach who just yelled at your kid, undeservedly at that, and shakes his hand, but lets him know that this, this will not happen again. By the end, the coach is apologizing to not only your man, but your kid. This is handled with a smile, and not rudeness or threats. The Manly man just oozes influential testosterone.

5. If you have ever been puking sick, rendered smelly, ugly, and gross... you will know your man's manliness levels quickly. Manly man holds your hair and helps you get in a hot shower. (yeah, manly man likes to help when you are naked, tis true. But, he is your husband, and a manly also likes to see his woman in the buff. note: HIS woman.)

6. You know a manly man is there, when he looks at his firstborn. That bond is there, and it is palpable. A Manly Man tells you, you are amazing, and then changes a diaper. Wipe it Manly Man.

7. Washing dishes? For a manly man? Oh yes... Manly man can kill his own meal AND clean up the pan he made it in, that combination is what makes him a manly man.

8. A manly man teaches his children. He tells them how to wrestle, ride a bike, use a pocket knife, play games, respect a woman, and pray. Teach 'em Manly Man.

9. The most important feature of the Manly Man... he loves Jesus more than he loves you...


See, you read those first few and thought it was going to be all Tim Allen- grunt and scratch-outdoor channel- kind of stuff...

And yes, I realize the list is an even nine, not ten. My manly man can proof read too, and he will let me know if that is a terrible faux pas or not. My Micah is amazing for more than a goofy list can ever convey, and yes. I still swoon over him. Alot.

Sorry ladies, this manly man is taken... go get your own...



Oh, and PS: One more opinion based insight... A Manly Man never wears skinny jeans. A straight fit, yes. I'll even go ya' a tapered leg, but true skinny jeans... not happening.

Wow... its been a while.

Wow, over a month without a post... worry not, it was just that, well... I was busy, and tired, and lazy. Oh, and my back hurts from getting crunched in a car accident back in January. A lady ran a red light and t-boned me and Alden. On our side. It was scary, and I am very thankful Alden is ok. Alas, the green beast, my beloved Excursion is no more. I am sad. I loved that huge hunk of metal. We got another SUV ... a suburban, which, I refer to as "little". I have also realized that a sage green vehicle does not show dirt nearly as fast as a black one, heated seats are miraculous, and that insurance companies have a different idea of "replacement value" than I do.

So, February came and went. I was going to post on Valentine's Day, purely because, for yet another year, my cupid day started with some form of defecation, other than my own. I awoke to the sound of a toilet and the words, "wet tootie". Wow. It was great. I do not feel bad at all that I threw those little boy undies out quicker than a wet tootie surprised the cheeks that used to reside in them.

I was also busy almost burning down our garage and our neighbor's shed. I would say not to tell him that, but I really doubt he or anyone else still reads this here blog. It started out innocently enough, I was piling up and burning the hay-like grass that grew in the garden over the fall. I was all raking and burning... feeling very pioneer like in my outdoorsy accomplishments. Until I went to the far end of the garden, threw my rake out to reel in some more hay-grass and realized, there was some other already-on-fire grass still stuck in my rake. That meant that quicker than a SAHM says yes to free babysitting, the back end of the garden caught on fire. Alot of fire. I tried to whack it out with my rake, that did not work for obvious reasons. Then I started yelling for Micah, who was in the way way way backyard. I kid you not, he turned around, saw me being engulfed in flames, and gave me the "wait just a minute" sign.

WHAT!?!? I am being burned alive! The garage is going to burn to the ground! Haven't you seen Backdraft?!?!!

Apparently he thinks I am a bit dramatic. Whatever.

He finally saunters over, and after we untangle the hose, and frantically figure out which of the four sprayers is on, we put out the four alarmer. Lincoln did his part by running in the house, getting a big cup of water. I had to laugh. My garden area now looks a like a charred out war zone, but I hope to till next week and gain back some measure of pride.

I also trekked to Trader Joes. I love, and I do mean love TJs. I stocked up on wine, (their $4 Riesling is AMAZING!) and yummy goodies like hummus and pita chips, then, I stumbled upon it...

Lemon Curd.

Hmmm, what is this I say? My traveling buddy for the day, Kerry, did not share my excitement for the Lemon Curd. I put it back. Perhaps I was crazy, thinking curd of lemon was going to be good. We decided maybe it would be weird and the uncertainty of potential grossness outweighed my curiosity. We strolled some more, and then, before checking out, I decided to roll the dice and get some.

Sin in a jar.

Seriously.

It is so good... as in, eat it by the spoonful good. I decided I would share it with my friend Kim. I think she is almost british the way she loves tea and such. We could have tea, biscuits and lemon curd. I had to admit that before I could arrange tea time, I had eaten all the lemon curd. A little spoonful here and there added up. Humiliating, yes. The silver lining is that now, potentially, whenever my friend JMac goes to TJs she will get me one. (oh, was that a hint? yes, yes it was.)

So I have been busy with all that exciting stuff. I know, a life with this kind of adventure has you all full of envy this morning. I apologize, I mean, not everyone can live this lavishly. Eating lemon curd from the jar, wet tooties and burning garden brush. Don't hate me ok...

Some scrappy stuff done during my hiatus:

Coming soon to TVs everywhere!

I have a pitch to make. The pitch is to TLC. I figure, that since Jon and Kate are done being the crazy couple on TV, another happily wedded couple should get a chance... someone like, oh ... I don't know...

ME AND MICAH!

Haha! Yes, I said it! (well, typed it actually.) I think you can never have enough reality TV documenting the dysfunctional American family and causing children long term damage. Really and truly, it is a sacrifice I am willing to make... for my kids. AND... if I happen to get free plastic surgery, free hair extensions, free trips all over the world, and a million dollar house out of it? Well... that is what I am willing to go through so that my kids can think a camera man is part of our family, and so the world can follow me on trips to buy shoes and diapers whilst I give a moment by moment commentary on why I buy huggies instead of pampers.

Here is the name of our show. Are you ready? Drumroll please.... (um, I am not actually sure how one would blog a drumroll, so work with me here.)

"Micah and the Grouch, plus 3 Boys, on a Couch."

Catchy eh? I can see the opening montage... it can be all the worst moments of my mothering and wifery. Bad moods, bad hair, wenchiness like you have never seen... all captured on film. Forever. It will be grand, and I will be so happy regardless, because my smile, it never fades thanks to the free lifetime supply of botox from an advertising sponsor! WooHoo!

I am hoping the cameras can also catch the following:

*Me blowing off a piece of food that has fallen on the floor and giving it back to the kids.

*Micah's morning hair.

*Our luxurious day trips... to the grocery store.

*Flossing. I have always wanted to floss on camera. I bet my dentist would give me a discount too.

*Smelling clothes to see if they are clean, hence wearable.

*Me screaming, "That is it! no more TV for one week! If you do not play with some toys I will throw them all out!!!!" (um, not that this has ever ever happened, this would be a ah, um, producer's idea... yeah, that's it, producer's idea.)

You see?!?! We are CHOCK FULL of good TV moments just waiting to be filmed. Doing laundry, thawing chicken, catching snot in a tissue right before it hits the floor... Well, that snot one would be a cliff hanger-two episoder. Like when Fonzie jumped the sharks and you had to wait a whole week to see if he made it. I can hear living rooms across America now...

"Oh no! LOOK! Alden just sneezed! Is she going to see it?!?!"

"Yes, she does, but she is across the room! It is a double nostril snotter too!"

"She won't make it in time!"

"Oh no, I can't watch!!"

"Is she to the tissue box yet????????"

And then when it cuts away and the announcer voice says to stay tuned for the dramatic ending next week... "WHAT? We have to wait a week. I don't think we can live with this stress. Does she get the boogers or not? What if he is starting to get sick? Will the germs be unleashed?" Water cooler talk will never be the same. Never.

So, please, if TLC asks for viewers to vote, cast your vote for us...

"Micah, and the Grouch, plus 3 boys, on a couch."

Now here is some more scrapmadness.